Tears just roll down whenever memories are recalled, the past seem to be reminding whats never to repeat & whats gone is gone.. the day when everything seem to change or collapse all seem like yesterday.. its never forgotten.. fear grip me whenever its recalled or whats not being able to do are regrets.. there's always a never ending cycle of reminders.. been reminding myself I'm not unfortunate compared to what I have seen from the other side of the world but prob being too emotional always bring sadness..
Your every single wish is what I want to fulfill, coz I want you to be happy, to realise what you always hope for.. I know the day when the letter came, you are so happy & so are the others.. trying my best but the 'wish' seems just too heavy.. the past just flashed back whenever feeling breathless.. I wonder how do I forget it.. prob others would laugh it off, but its always a wound that never heals.. having reasons for doing everything the way that its done, prob never will you understand.. even in dreams, I dreamt of the whole event.. the dream just seem so real.. so it must never happen again.. Its no longer just about walking out of the situation but about walking out of the past.. will I be able to do it? prob that day will only come when all ends..
Dreams, goal, aim all dashed with the one word, 'no'.. whats left is only disappointment.. its smthg wanted to realise since young.. prob no one would ever understand what it meant to me to fulfill that dream, it might hav been meaningless to others but definitely meant a lot to me.. If departing can be a reality, life would have been very different from now.. prob nothing would have happen & all would be just nothing..
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