well... cant really remz what happen for the past few days except tt feeling of tiredness, still trying to get use to waking up early..

went Chinatown last Fri with bao & hui for some early CNY shopping, didnt buy much as the excitment is diminishing with years passing by but gg again tml with bao & nancy.. now I know why adults been saying only kids are the most excited lot while adults prefer to rest when there's holi.. its been a long time since I last saw hui, glad tt she's doing well & her family as well.. went for mwh session as usual on sat & we had steamboat with other volunteers after the session.. it was fun dining together as we usually went shopping on our own instead of eating dinner with them.. nonetheless, had a fun wkend..

things at work starting to pick up this wk.. except for some readings done, I finally get my hands on to do my first assignment.. but of course its still a long way to understanding the way of doing stuffs as I'm still at the preliminary stage & not even halfway there.. but everyone pretty patient with me & guiding me along the way.. so far, everything's good & colleagues are great, just that I still need to learn to break thru my shyness.. some friends laugh off at this word but I'm really lacking in this skill so gonna work hard.. two wks reaching & 5 mths 2 wks more of probation.. hope I'll survive thru..

suay things happen this wk as well.. bus was so slow on tues (I think its tues), I had to get off the bus quickly with 10 mins left to reach office so quickly hail a cab.. from north bridge rd to south bridge rd cost me $7.30.. OH MINE!!! north to south so ex ex ex... my heart is bleeding.. but no choice.. sobz... began LS-ing on mon & tues then y'day was down with gum infection, the same one experienced last yr when I was having my mid term tests.. its back again!! feeling so terrible & feverish the whole day but nonetheless worked till 7pm when I can hang on no longer.. went to see a dentist where I had a injection on my gum.. also did fillings.. cost me $145 (not tt I didnt wanna claim but have no idea how to.. haa..).. feeling so broke now.. cant wait for feb to end to get my PAY check!!! as for now, down with flu.. guess this yr is true tt piggies are bad with health matters.. need a gd rest..

hope the journey ahead will be a smooth one with hopes & achievements.. pls bless me with luck, intelligence & ren yuan yay...

feeling so sad at times.. prob I didnt try hard enuff or am I too much of an introvert? I wish I could be like any other pple who find it almost easy to relate to pple, talk to pple & comfortable chatting with just anyone who comes along.. when will I become someone like tt?? xm.. I'm really sorry.. hearing me grumble every single day & thank you for accompanying me thru this period.. feeling so bottled up, I really wish I could find a hole to cry it out.. its just a matter of myself, not bcoz of anyone.. they treat me well, none of the sort of the experienced bullying the new ones.. prob I'm too emotional.. a desp need to strengthen what I lack..

anyway... I'll jia you, try my very best to conquer all barriers & hurdles!!

got my name cards this wk!! imprinted with my very own name except for the designation which is diff from what I tot.. M was saying with these cards, I'm on to another stage now.. but who do they give them to?? anyway, kept all in the drawer..

yeah!! tml gg out with bao & hui to ct.. its finally fri!! now do I realise the real joy of what all working pple feel.. hoping to get my psp soon when the stock comes in [hint hint**bao].. heez but I know its out of ctrl of when it will come.. I'll get to play it during my lunch break in future as well as on the way to & fro work.. yeah!!

It's first day of work today.. feel kinda out of place with my formal wear and its a definite tata to sch life.. the train is so so so packed & everyone's walking very fast while I strolled my way to work coz I'm super early.. sat by the side of the river waiting for the time to pass as well as nursing my painful leg.. now its all filled with blisters.. sobz sobz..

the day is spent reading, reading & more reading then walked ard, ard & ard.. trying my best to mingle with them but I still have a long way to improve my interpersonal skills, always find myself having difficulties finding a topic.. after all the intro, really assessing myself if I'll be able to handle, it sure seems tough.. no matter how hard I tried to avoid acc, its stuck onto me thou appearing in another form.. even thou who's left are few, I still have my welcome lunch.. heez.. ate indian food together with them in office as they kind of lazy to go out but do appreciate what they done to make me feel welcome & in all ways to aid me in learning the basics.. & really big thanks to all friends who sent their msg of encouragement, offering to eat lunch with me & asking abt how's my 1st day.. thank you all for remembering.. appreciate MD's email too.. hope I'll adapt well & the transition from full time student to full time in the working industry.. & also hoping I'll be able to learn lots of things.. may god bless me thru the rest of the journey...

cant wait for wkend to come.. CUI after just 1 day.. feeling so tired...

today is the last day of holi.. sobz.. :( from tml onwards, it will be a whole diff lifestyle.. not particularly excited when everyone asked if I am.. guess there's still a feeling of insecurity, if I'm up to the job & what kind of pple I'll be facing in future.. everything been done for me but MD & M wont be in for my first day.. lots of familiarization work to be done with no local pple ard me anymore.. I'm the only 'local product' there, grad from local uni & till date, stayed all my life in s'pore & my ang mo has no substance.. will I end up 'yo! yo!' in future?? oh mine!! also, have to start stocking up clothes for working life as all of mine seem to too 'kiddish' or more for shopping.. haiz.. shopped g2000 almost every shopping trip, all seem the same to me & so dull.. wished myself luck for tml.. Jia You!!!

spent my tues back in sch with my uni kakis.. might seem crazy but wanna spend more time together with friends who will all be busy soon with job commitments in the future.. its a total different feeling this time rd, looking at the people ard me, which reminds me of the time in sch.. bz printing notes, studying in lib, rushing for lect, thinking what to eat for lunch, finding seats in canteens, gossiping abt pple we saw.. a replicate of myself but now seeing the past from others.. def missed the life of sch & wonder at times how nice if its still sch days.. even thou we might have to brood over tests, exams, projs and assignments but those days seem to be more fun than what I'm gonna face in the future.. the tot of working till I retire & to worry abt the future seems a route so dark.. fear seems to be gripping me now, wonder if I wud be able to achieve what pple expect of me..

ate my salmon don!! its still yummy as before.. much nicer than what the prog on channel u recommend at the deck.. heez.. after which its fruit juice at the deck.. went vivo after which as xm signing her contract with my dream co.. guess I have to let go to move ahead, no point harping on whats no longer possible.. undeniable, it hurts to let go what I hold on to & now I have to let go.. I must work hard no matter where I am!! life being a crouch potatoe ending soon.. working life ahead starting from next wk.. I wanna play some more!!! heez...

LS quite a few times today, ended up I only manage to run only 4km as my stomach starts to ache.. sobz.. meeting LP for lunch today, its been quite a while since I last saw her after I left the co.. will meet up with bao & nancy later on for dinner.. more dinings ahead for fri & sat.. enjoy the last bit of my holi before I embark on my next stage of life.. Jia You 10!!

This wk been a pretty bz one...

Monday is def the day tt marks the new path which I'll be taking for ??? years?? No longer will there exist a secure shelter but a unpredictable and rocky road out there.. rain or shine, I'll never know if I dont even attempt to walk out & I can never stay at the same spot forever.. we might not know what kind of people do we meet along the way and tml will be like.. saw a quote from my prof's website, from George Akerlof, "Trained to be a Hero",

Every one of the social sciences teaches us that we can understand the motives of other people. People may be very different from us. Their motives may be very different from ours. Their means of expressing those motives may be strange indeed. Our knowledge about other people's problems makes their motives comprehensible to us. That means that we can see other people and their motives in our terms.

The uneducated too often believe that a conflict of interest occurs because other people are evil. The educated believe that conflicts of interest naturally occur. Moreover, these conflicts occur especially because other people are basically so very much like ourselves. We have mercy for them.

Whenever I attempt to comprehend a person as such but believing in my own perspectives often ended up myself in disappointment.. my ex-colleague always comment I'm too soft & easily bullied and people out there can be so different.. always tot I'm strong enuff or am I deluding myself?? I must trained to be a hero!!

The route ahead is still a long one with unpredictable events but hoping it will be a path filled with smiles and satisfaction.. really hoping for great environment, culture and people.. they will be the ones who accompanies me through this learning journey..

The rest of the week with exceptions of Fri & Sat becomes spring cleaning, stacked up all my books & notes.. couldnt sell off a single book this sem as all I took last sem, only one is offered this sem but the lecturer has changed.. sobz.. still contemplating of selling my notes..

Had gathering with Jas, Yve & Yan on Fri for dinner together.. wanted to go Miss Clarity so much but was at the mercy of the weather.. settled for Billy Bombers in the end.. eh.. the food is filling prob coz most are deep fried.. so sinful!!! had ice-cream at swensen after tt.. double sinful!!

Sat was spent with MWH members at the chalet for bbq.. had fun with them and there was more talking within each of us as during the session, more time was spent with the residents than within us.. Despite the rain, we had fun.. feeling so tired now... they asked why econs grad decided on accs?? I have no ans... why??

sobz... my teeth infection is back here again.. woke up from pain at least 4 to 5 times in the night.. its not even half a yr since my last 'attack'.. hoping for the pain to go away soon.. dread gg to the dentist to ask whats wrong so praying hard it will go away by itself..

Jia You!!! 11 days more to go... & I finally finished cleaning my rm!!

will be starting work soon.. haiz.. no more holi or long breaks like before.. in the past, every job I'm in, I know there's a day it will end so there's not too much worry.. how much I hate it, it will end ultimately since its only a temp.. but now its so diff..

still feeling that sense of insecurity within me.. juz when I settled everything.. KXXX called up.. oh mine.. its all too late.. assuring myself it wont be a good start either since training has already commenced thou still feeling a little regretful.. guess my cousin sort of regretted her advise when she knows I rejected it? could somehow sense it.. but I cant do anything now except to leave my future to fate.. met all who I sld meet.. when he asked if I'm excited, I guess my face reveals it all but then I tried to show some happiness.. at one side, I'm relieve I chose smthg but dont really know whats wrong with me, cant help but feeling worried if its right or wrong.. I really have no ans & only bao reassuring me..

will try my best to be happy & putting in efforts in whatever I do... JIA YOU!!!

I made the decision of my life.. to do forensic, investigative accounting.. I hope I made the right choice & may it be situable for me.. I must be the 'shi wan ge hui she men' gal in future.. had a hard fight within me but I'll give it a shot to give myself a chance to try smthg diff.. prob banks is always what I wanted but does it suit me may never unravel till prob someday I'm given the chance.. I'm really not sure what's the future me like or who I am.. still as confused as before & still as indecisive.. May lady luck shine on me & god bless me thru this confusion state, finding my own worth & the place who sees a worth in me.. I may not be the best but I'll try to be.. working life starting soon, JIA YOU!!! small co it might be but I'm sure it will allow me to learn all I want & challenging tasks ahead & prob at least hard work is more recognised.. friends.. jia you for me too yay...

still at a loss until now.. a mixture of yes & no from everyone.. when I thought I have the ans, there's smthg holding me back.. it sld have been smthg happy & worth elated for but I couldnt just let go smthg which I wished for dearly.. I tried so hard but others seem to got it so easily.. wished someone will tell me what's right, what's wrong or prob smthg else to come along to stop the uncertainty?? if there's wasnt for 'that' which is probing me, everything would have been simpler & the answer would have been more definite.. but everything seems complicated now & feeling so uncertain & confused.. I didnt want to lose it bcoz it gave me what I look for at a thing but that thing isnt what I wanted to be.. similarly, this place gave me things I ever hope for but that place isnt where I wanna be.. there's always a tradeoff but what sld I do??

was encouraging myself upteen times today but somehow luck doesnt seem to be with me.. to top it up was one much awaited email from my dream place tt indicates 'bye'.. didnt perform well in the first stage (stuck at a qns which I ans in the wrong initution) & at the second stage, couldnt complete the second task, only managed to complete one.. haiz.. somehow, when I got on the train do I remz how I sld have done the qns.. oh mine.. anywhere, I guess this is part & parcel of what most people experience in the initial phase..

just as I was thinking what sld I prepare for tml's battle, I rec'd the call.. tot he wud say sorry to me but no... was pretty surprised by the fact that I didnt do a gd job, how cld anyone have done worst than me?? was telling bao I'll def 'buong' the interview as my mind was drifting ard when he was talking.. now delibrating what I sld do.. everyone encourage me to go for it but feeling uncertain of myself.. juz like when I'm attempting things at the first try.. always have this prob which I need to change badly.. sometimes I'm just so indecisive.. plus what I always wanted is not this.. what to do??? 2 more interviews to go tml.. wonder whats the outcome?? havent done any preparation, hoping I'll survive thru tough qns.. prepared all possible ans for diff qns but end up I ans in a diff way so take things at a step ba..

thinking... pondering.. afraid to make the wrong choice.. haiz...

met yan & wilson for dinner tonight at AMK.. had western food & we just sat there chatting.. it reminds me of the times when we go searching for nice food at AMK market when we were still in poly which is like some yrs back.. oh mine.. age catching up..

feeling so tired.. will be a long long day tml.. will be meeting uni friends for dinner tml.. & same goes for sat.. a bz wk & confusing one too...