Been bz helping out with the chores at home & making sure mummy doesnt move too much.. prob i'm being over paronoid but worried for mummy after her eye operation.. Just wanna her to rest well.. took leave on fri to help out with things at home but end up feeling so sick (flu non-stop).. but nothing will stop me from stepping out of the house for shopping.. Heez... met bao for shopping then together with nancy for dinner.. guess my stamina of walking for long hours are lower now.. cant wait to find a place to sit down after walking ard for a while.. Haa.. on our way home, we were making plans for nxt fri to go out again, taking leave together.. Haa.. wonder if this will last forever.. occasion outing for shopping or dinner or just chilling out.. esp since everyone been telling me its hard for anything to last as one moves on in life to another stage.. true? prob i'll only know 10 yrs later?

i'm too easily bullied? being nice is smthg wrong? my collegues kept reminding me, muz b firm & talk louder when dealing with people or people will take you for granted or get on top of you.. well.. these are the things not inborn in me.. i'm always being told i'm too 'neng'... Haiz.. how to change my character?

feeling low these few days.. the urge to leave is so great today.. i'm not sure if there's any point staying on.. mum not stopping me which comes to my surprise.. nv at any point in life, the desire to leave a place is so great.. in the past, endure is smthg I'll keep telling myself but this time rd, the feeling is so great to the extend that I cant continue.. it might sound weird.. I have no idea why the sudden emotion.. to leave or to stay?

A lot of unexpected things seem to happen which leaves no time for reaction.. wondering if I have done something wrong or have I asked for smthg which I have to give up the current possessions.. if all these have to happen, I wish I have nothing in the first place.. I feel the fear, see the sadness but there's nothing I can do except to divert away the attention.. as much as the laughter is short-lived, there's a limit to what one can do.. wishing nothing have happen... feeling so disappointed, as a part, you feel nothing & care less..

Quite a happening 2 weeks I had.. last week was quite slack as the budget was almost done, left the part of reviewing before the finalised outcome.. by then its another rd of amendments by us.. learned a lot from my sup, prob except dont approach her when FC kept asking if she's done but I'll also end up being one of the victim as I'm also sharing the workload, ending up with phonecalls asking if I'm done.. quite scared I'll make mistakes actually.. frustrated when no matter how hard I tried, the adjusting figure juz wont go down.. humph!!! last fri was the day that determines my fate.. didnt fared good enuff to my expectations but luckily I cleared all of them, incl my curse, fin. econs & tpt... muz really jia you all the way next sem to keep my cap stable.. later in the night, met up with van, kl & eunice.. its been a long time since I catch up with them.. gosh!! sure missed the good ole days when we were still in poly, enjoying sch life.. now then I realised poly life def allow me to have more time for fun as compared to now where I'm occupied with countless readings & tutorials.. a lot of changes going on in life which we can never go back to before..

sat is mwh visit to chat with them.. Its the first time I actually talk so much to old folks.. haa.. in the past, I fear talking to them bcoz I hate to see them cry, they get agitated when they talk about their children coz they are usually abandoned by them there.. the residents at mwh are slightly diff, so far most of the residents I met are cheerful while some may not remz the past but I guess having someone to talk to makes them happy.. after the visit, we ate at kenny rogers.. the food are not too bad but the amount sure is large, ate so much on that night.. met jinyao too as I was leaving the resturant.. went shopping ard b4 leaving for home..

on sun, met up with caiyun & QQ at noon then eunice later in the night.. guess QQ & eunice heard a lot of my grumbles.. learned smthg thru the conversation too.. nv go too deep, it might be hard & pain to pull out later.. whats the reason & def for all the unexplained & undefined in my life? too much is bottled up.. crying wont help, right? I guess its not a sense of sadness but rather frustration that things arent going right & my patience has long since diminished with each crossover.. my patience limit is great in my sense but nv cross it, it only made me wanna distance myself from all... putting up a strong front to show that nothing can beat me down but feeling tired now.. prob the thing lacking in eunice's life is also what I'm lacking.. its not smthg that juz happen out of a sudden but a realisation as time passed.. the distance getting farther apart & prob its better to let the distance continues rather than trying hard but only hurt yourself in the process or the end result is nothing but overpower with sadness.. emptiness & echo can be felt with the departure.. who's there, who's not, what's there, what's not, doesnt really matter, right? or am I juz deceiving myself? but looking from another perspective, not everything is lost.. there are other things which are still with me in life..

for this week... its a week of OTs everyday.. rushing thru amendments of budgets & month end closing.. had to work a full day on sat too.. haiz... deadbeat now.. has to missed mwh visit coz I juz cant seem to finish all the work on hand.. finding it hard to familiarised myself with all the files & new way of doing things. wanna do lots of things but much of my time is taken up by work or the diff activities.. most importantly, I need to catch up on sleep.. as the weeks passed, more familiarised with the environment & knowing more collegues.. thou its the same old place but faces def have changed... thru work, learned the diff faces of people, nv judge a book by its cover.. hopefully I'll survive thru the 2 months left & make no mistakes.. may god bless me with intelligence...

feeling so tired every single day, stress every single min & scared every single click.. tired? worked ot everyday, even on a fri.. worked till 12am on fri where everyone has gone chilling out & me burying myself with work.. stress? whenever I stepped into the FC's room, meeting the MIS head & discussing the details with fellow collegues, I have to remz every single thing they say & summarise the stuffs in my head.. anything I'm not sure, I have to think hard, trial & error all the things.. there are so many formulas & figures to understand that every single figures I keyed in or saved, I have to be extra careful.. everything calls for precision & accuracy.. there's no time for slow work.. its either u work fast or work even faster.. everyday is a rush for deadlines.. I dont even have time for toilet breaks.. there is once when I'm so tired, I ended up going to the toilet to catch a short wink wink.. LOL.. nonetheless, indeed, I learnt a lot of new things & doing things I've nv done b4.. I really like the MIS head, she's so motherly & nice, patient with me & helping me with my doubts.. she's also very cheerful.. a lot of new faces in MIS, but they are nice as well prob except one who's always give me ans tt I didnt know how to tell my sup.. as for our FC, hmmm... she's nice when she's in a good mood.. nv stepped into her room when her face is black like charcoal or when she feel 'gek' as she repeated it no. of times on fri.. haa.. but i'm glad my sup & collegues are patient with me & willing to teach me step by step.. overall, amid the bz times, i'm happy there.. despite the changes & the new faces, know new friend & getting to know others better.. we had fun rushing thru deadlines & joking ard when we are so stressed up.. my sup was asking if my mum will ask me to tender my resignation with all the ot-s.. haa... on fri, when we were leaving, we saw a lady sitting in the lobby, wearing red somemore & she's there alone.. OMG.. i quickly asked the rest if they see what I see.. haa.. they all started laughing at me.. need their confirmation ma, its 12am leh!!! who wouldnt think its something you shouldnt be seeing.. haa..

before going for work, this has been what I wanted, to be loaded with lots & lots of work coz I hate to idle, to have nothing to do.. love the life of being busy & to have a tons of work to do but now thinking back, pursuing this kind of life is it worth it? everyday when I get back, dad & mum is already asleep & after bathing, head to sleep immediately.. haiz.. full of qns marks of what I want in life.. undecisive me.. to continue in the finance line, banking or to do smthg more meaningful? thinking of leaving, to see the world, to do smthg for the people.. prob go to the rural area.. not comm svc coz its not a svc but rather to know their life & to be part of them, to share their joy & sorrows.. there are happiness of simple life which we might not be able to understand.. living in the city with the burden of hectic life to earn money for essentials & wants, we walked too fast a pace to stop down to see the people around us.. sometimes feeling so tired & breathless, wished to get away.. wondering at times, whos true & whos fake.. to believe or not to? seen too much of how different a person can be & it is hard to comprehend human beings.. where in the world should I settle at? mum doesnt want me to work overseas coz it will be hard to see me.. i'll be labelled as a heartless daughter if I were to leave??

went MWH today.. its been a long time since I last went there.. had game session with them then celebrated sm's b'day... we played 'fishing'.. they had fun & we were feeling so hot picking fish for them.. haa.. after the session, we went vivo for dinner.. ate @ terra cafe, not too bad a choice.. I had lagsana, not incredibly nice but not too bad either.. then went shopping ard.. very tired & sleepy along the way.. fatigue setting in.. bought only all food stuffs to bring to office.. kept feeling hungry in office, esp since working into the night.. 25th may coming soon... wondering whats my fate.. haiz.. god.. please bless me..

Looking fwd to the GZ & HK trip... wanna have fun then a good rest b4 starting my last sem in school.. will def missed the days in the sch thereafter.. & may I get a hall stay.. I really need it..

Its my first day at GES.. not really the first time there so travelling down the familiar road brings back the memories of the days spent there.. & of course missing my favourite fried fish bee hoon!! but didnt get to eat it as the market is closed for washing.. :'( the place sure changed a lot prob except for the different heads of the department.. seating arrangements are changed and there's a distinctive difference btw a/ccs & MIS.. surprised tt a lot of pple still remz me.. everyone was calling out my name when they see me.. heez.. glad tt they still remz me.. prob bcoz of my name tt links with jolin..

started off with filing.. that was exactly what I did when I first went GES!! but starting to get better when I'm involved with the budget proj.. I guess doing tt beats filing.. i have familiarised with the filing there tt I can do it vry fast so which means I would be idling after tt.. but doing budget is so stressed esp when I have very little time to understand what I need to do & have to go for meeting with the MIS staffs to understand the terms & the spreadsheet they ve done, esp when I'm an comp idiot.. know nuts of what those terms actually means.. producitivity not tt great today as trying hard to absorb all the stuffs.. worked ot on my very first day till 9pm.. okie with it as long as I get to learn things.. rather have tons of work to do than to have nothing to do.. still a long way to go b4 the final budget is done.. hopefully I'll do a good enuff job... may god please bless me with intelligence..

feeling so sleepy.. its tidur time soon.. have to reach early tml to pester the MIS pple for further explainations to give me a clearer picture.. haa..

being overly-sensitive? being over-reaction? the words just seem to carve onto the heart, it may have been just a casual remark but it does create its impact.. now then I realise that there are things in the world which are so brittle and cannot withstand time.. always thought it is supposed to last forever even if some part of life would to change.. I have been wrong all along.. time to think about whether if anything is worth working hard for and trying for.. if it would leave someday and ultimately become history and become forgotten as time passed, whats the use then to be in the present and become history when everything becomes no longer important.. to hold on, to care, is it still as impt?? how long do I stay in the present? just because of the different stage in life one is in make a difference?

Swear I didnt expect AFPD to hire me.. I wreak my interview, forgot to bring this & that.. I didnt even remz what I said at the interview.. but what the agent says prior to the conversation today are contradictory but I gave her the benefit of doubt.. anyway, I regretted accepting ges offer when I rec'd the call this morning.. wanted so much to try out at a new co to learn new things as I always wanted to but now I can't back out now esp since catherine has offered to hire me.. I'm super sad now!! I guess regret is now part of me & I miss this valuable opportunity but I have the responsibility to keep my promise.. hope I made the right choice and this is fate I have to go back? can only console myself.. god.. did I do the right thing? I feel so unsure of my decision.. Haiz.. sad.. its super sad!!

kind of bored at home, nothing much to do except sleep, eat, watch tv.. with the rain, cant go anyway.. waiting for fri to come & esp jul when I can go HK... yeah!!

My leg gonna break soon!! been shopping for consec 4 days ever since exams ended on fri.. its a drama day, had to make firm decisions today.. went for interview today at AFPD.. its really a huge co., to the extend tt I cant even find the entrance, it sure take me a long time to find the main entrance.. I'm totally lost when I dropped off the bus, had to call xm for SOS!! first time to visit a japanese co., they have their own uniform as well as shoes!! somehow, they all ended up looking the same.. the HR was saying that japanese likes their employees to wear uniforms and they like cleaniness.. but finally after much deliberation, decided to go back to GES.. haa.. during the interview, the HR side was so much easier but the acc/s sup was asking what did I do in GES for every single line I type in my resume.. OMG!! tts something abt 1 yr ago.. like how many schedules I did, would I actually count when I'm bz trying to finish it? is it abnormal to do like 10 bank recon for diff banks? hmmm... but I dont think I will make the pass coz I guess I didnt really know how to ans her qns & with ges already cfm their employment with me, I went for the sake of experience.. plus I didnt know how to use oracle.. but I really hope to learn sap or oracle.. they are now the hotest software for acc/s, accpac is long outdated I guess..

went ps later to wait for yanz.. 1st time, I shop every single level, every single shop.. nv so thorough sia.. with 2 hrs to 'ta fa', i went to the supermarket twice.. haa.. watched spiderman.. yeah!! finally I get to see a movie after so long.. but I did doze off.. haa.. too tired.. the ending is so sad, harry died as well as eddie.. hate sad endings.. does tt mean the end of spiderman? overall, its nice except the slimy black thing tt I dont like.. the last part when he forgave the one who killed his uncle was so touching, my tears nearly fall if not for 38 beside me.. DOTZ!! when I reached the theatre, I remz we havent buy the tickets from sistic.. by the time, the movie is over & we went down, its already closed!! Sobz!!!

gonna have a good rest tml b4 I start work next mon!! praying hard everything will go smoothly & I'll be happy there!! gg to concuss soon.. gonna sleep soon...

It's officially over.. its the present tt is most real and the past can only be recollected as memories.. finally learnt that only self is most realistic, its only when we lost everything, then we realise we still have ourselves.. its the start of new events everyday and the future to look forward to.. what does the route ahead have install, prob only when we step into tt time zone then will we realise, things, environment, people and oneself have changed..

should I take up the pt job at the law firm, in a dilemma but nobody can give me an answer.. cant even ans myself, will others ans it for me? anyway, guess I take it up unless things took for a change tml morning.. will things change?

been so tired ever since coming back.. went out with xm y'day.. i'm supposed to meet her at setengah satu which sld be 12.30pm but in the end, i interpreted as 1.30pm.. given back what I have learn for the past few months back to ibu I guess.. sorry xm.. didnt mean it.. too tired to use my brain.. feeling very sick after exams are all over.. even when exams ended, still not sleeping early, ended up shopping all day.. haa.. aim now is to save money for HK trip in Jul!!! cant wait to go crazy shopping and all the nice food!!!

Its noon now.. in a few hours time, I'll be back at home, living back the old life.. its a mixed feeling, esp since the last night is gone & now the last few hours.. prob it might seem nothing to others, but at least, this experience meant a lot to me.. to get away from everything else..

from a mummy's girl to an independent girl.. used to have mummy doing all the things for me & now doing all the stuffs myself.. the initial feeling is still fresh in the mind, the lost, uncertainty and loneliness.. as days passed, things picked up (prob god heard my prayers).. haa.. from then on, its no longer me alone.. I have my A3 gals as well as 2 from A5, no longer eating alone.. I'll def missed all the fun.. AY, PJ, MC, An, Su, SP, MJ and TW, SR, Dom & Karen.. will missed the supper treats at the rooftop, CMB concert, CNY dinner, room hopping and the little chats..

It might be the last but the memories stay in the heart.. even if there's a day to become a forgotten person is inevitable, everyone made an impact in my life in one way of another..

PS: finished watching engine.. Its so touching, ended up with used tissues piling up beside me.. its so so so nice.. Haa..