exams are finally over.. 1 mth of mugging ended.. I dont know if I have put in my best effort & tried my very best.. motivation is drying and no longer as strong as in the past.. over-confidence? I hope I'm not.. over-confidence caused my pitfall, it must never happen again.. when everything thought to be smoothly going, unexpected things seem to crept in..

feeling quite lost actually.. as sch term seem to be over for me soon, I wonder what my next step in life is to be.. what have I accomplished & what is hope for doesnt seem to realise.. the world once exist is replaced by new bits as time passed and new accomplishments, things are no longer the same.. how to look at things from a simplistic equation? wonder whats real and whats its defination? it definitely hurts to hear tt sentence but even if its the opposite, how true can it be?? empty promises for the sake of sounding good?? with different life chances, what had been said now prob would have turn a passing remark in later life.. whats the use of being comforted now & to become sad in the future? believe to trust is better than nothing to have? sadly to admit, whats chose not to believe in the past is the truth.. ever thought prob the view is a pessimistic one, but its a fact afterall.. I wish it could have been longer but nothing last forever..

doubts left unanswered, how to change the current state?

My celebrity look-alike.. Haa.. Do I look like anyone of them??

1 more paper to go!!! conquered BI today!! Its quite okie thou there are some words I dont even remz seeing them so can only guess.. wrote abt "berkunjung di Cambodia", since have been there before.. Haa.. & 5 more days b4 leaving here... sobz.. I havent had enuff fun yet.. gg home this sun.. wonder if mum missed my absence from home for 1 mth+.. absence make the heart grow fonder?? Haa.. tiring from the constant mugging into the night, concuss in the day then ending up having insomnia in the night.. living the life of an owl & having the eyes of panda.. motivation drying up with the days passing by, having to mug for wks is draining & tiring.. getting low morale with most of the people finishing their exams.. the people eating dinner at comm hall are lesser now..

have to start searching for temp job now.. as much as I dont really like a/ccs, its the only thing I know how to do.. in the meantime, waiting for mummy & daddy to give me the nod to go cambodia with xm & rest.. thou I hope to go HK more.. heez.. I wanna (eat & shop)*100.. haa.. thou the possibility of being fat is high, but eat 1st, talk later..

left with financial econs, its my worst mod thus far, the mod I fare badly for.. Haiz.. have to buck up for it.. Jia You!!! ni ni (I finally got ur last name correctly, not na but ni)!! dont set a hard paper yay... May I be bless with intelligence for the last paper!! & luck when results are released on 25th May!!

10 more days and the days will be over.. the fun, memories, laughter will be remembered at heart.. when I started to learn the ropes, learn my way, learn the environment and most importantly, the people, its parting time.. feeling low but its part & parcel of life... I may become nothing but a person forgotten but all made an impact in my life.. they will be remembered!!! but I also experience the worst insomnia here... been only able to sleep @ 5am in the morning.. too stressed this sem with with hard assignments and tormenting econs mod.. the fear of failing is just so great.. 'SobZ'.. its been a stress sem.. got back tpt assignment, got A-!!! so happy.. the nights spent staying up 'piang-ing' is paid off!!! xm & I both put in efforts twd this proj thou a bit last min work (was so worried we wont be able to complete).. xm!! thank you!! our efforts made the impossible turn possible!!

whatever cannot go on forever must come to an end.. its time to wake up now!! face the reality & realise that dreams and reality are two parallel lines that never meet.. as much as plans are made, obstacles are the hidden barriers.. life chances of everyone is diff and unique with no overlapping.. as much as its pain and sobbing within self, whats the use of holding on if its never meant to be mine.. trying hard but what's denied can never change facts.. as you learn more, experience more.. the dark side of society surface (quoted from mj's tutor, true??)..

Finished 2 papers thus far, econometrics and macroeconomics.. in the past, I would be thinking how well I would do or how bad it will be, but too tired to think of these and immune to the difficulty level of level 3 modules, all 4 econs this sem is level 3.. its inevitable but studying 4 is killing my brain cells, stress over it.. had been sleeping late partly due to insonmia but waking up early in the morning to have breakfast with my neighbours.. the rationale is to spend more time with them before leaving.. sad.. getting sentimental as days pass..

its tpt paper tml, I dont even know if I really finished the readings, decided to skip the investment part, its freaking long and the words are so tiny.. 1st page is enuff to knock me down into deep sleep.. kept concuss this afternoon despite my effort to keep myself awake with redbull.. cant drink coffee, can only depend on tt.. Haiz.. not studied for 1 section of the readings made me feel incomplete but I dont have any more time, the paper is tml!!! even thou its open book, I doubt my ability to answer intellingently as what anthony always wants us to do.. his high expectation is freaking me out, the desire to perform up to his expectations is so stress on me.. there wont be any bell curve for this mod as the class size is small, the grades one get will be determined by how well we write in our report and the final exam.. furthermore, I'm having difficulties learning the terms for tpt.. its not as simple as talking abt the rational behaviour of humans taking bus, train, aeroplane but the indepth analysis of its operation and the tpt terms are so so so chim.. how did I convince myself to take it and its the most ex mod tt cost me 908 pts!! I'm poor with pts now.. sobz.. crossing my fingers I wont see a sea of "Cs" this sem... left with BI & financial after tml tpt, they arent my strong mod either.. how did I land up in this state? I can only try to do my best, stay optimistic.. [taken the nerdy test & I only got 39%, on the bottom of the list from the other acers, so not nerdy enuff to claim the title which everyone is vying for.. Haa.. we are all too stressed up, trying to claim the throne hoping tt with tt, we are intelligent to conquer the exams]

hopefully I can sleep peacefully tonight, planned to wake up at 6.30am tml to study (provided I can drag myself up).. I know again tt I sld be in front of the book right now instead of slacking away writing blog which seem to others as wasting time away but I really need to vent off my despair!!

sad... 12 more days to go, I'll be leaving here.. counting down for exams but def not for my stay here.. haiz... hopefully I be lucky just like the start of the sem.. May god bless me with intelligence to conquer the rest of the exams.. I cant wait to get rid of all the mod thou I'll miss the nice lecturers..

Something interesting I saw (from kangz multiply - hmmm.. its a long time since I last saw her, missed our past sessions of outings).. well.. I know I should be in front of my tb, mugging hard for econs but I really need to do some 'other' stuffs to liven up my mugging period.. to add on, today's metrics, a disaster? tml macro & tpt, BI then fin.. more disasters to come? or prob I'm immuned to not knowing how to work out every econs tests/exams? anyway, econs for me is beyond comprehensible.. as much as my friends always says I'm crappy when it comes to writing essay (I have the ability to extend every single sentence of whatever I have in the report, well, tts how long-winded I am but I believe every words count towards hitting my word/page target.. but my sentence do make sense, yay.. Haa..) Looking forward to 4th May, the day I freed from this ordeal..

I've got: I miss your mom cause I am dying (a bit crappy right? Haa..)

Pick the month you were born

Dec----I slapped
Nov----I ran away with
Oct----I hate
Sep----I destroyed
Aug----I enjoyed a tasty
July----I really like
June----I have fantasies about
May----I fondled
April----I cuddled with
March---I threw
Feb---I miss
Jan---I ran headfirst into


Pick the day (number) you were born on
31------a hottie
30------a teddy bear
29------an Easter egg
28------a pine tree
27------a glass bowl
26------a toothbrush
25------Britney Spears
24------a herpes infested prostitute
23------a blind man wearing sunglasses
22------a cucumber
21------a chocobo
20------Paris Hilton
19------your mom
18------a lesbian
17------a girl named jennifer
16------a car air freshener
15------a dryer
14------Ryan Gosling
13------a swing at the park
12------an orange
11------a bag of weed
10------an A&F model
09------a faggot
08------a pickle
07------a hambouger
06------a thanksgiving turkey
05------a homeless guy
04------a bottle of jager
03------a Mexican
02------a box of chocolates
01------a stupid man/woman



Pick the color of shirt you are wearing

purple--- cause I’m pregnant
Black----cause I was wasted
Pink-----cause I have a red eye
Red-----cause I love a ninja
blue----cause I was drugged
Green----cause I’m in love
White---- cause I'm a gangster
Gray-----cause I do what i want
Other-----cause I am dying
Polka Dot-----cause I am gay
brown-----cause i love her

2 more days to go & my first paper starts.. kept remembering tt its macro 1st but instead its metrics.. OMG.. my memory failing.. 5 papers to conquer, I wonder if my determination can put me thru.. my productivity is very low & I kept dozing off after a few lines.. econs is like singing lullaby to myself.. Haiz.. lack of sleep & constant mugging into the night, whats left of me is fatigue & feeling drained.. looking like a zombie now, my 'neighbours' were all commenting I look so 'chui'.. Haiz.. even to the extend of memorising notes despite fallen asleep.. I seem to have an imaginary set of notes in front of me.. tts how bad it is.. I'm so tired that I dont seem to think of other things except of how to finish all my readings.. used to call mummy to update her of my life here but its almost a month since I talked to mummy.. sad.. sorry, mummy, dont have time for u but I already wrote down a list of all the nice food I've tried & will buy for ur when I move back.. I know u will be very xin teng if u know I havent been sleeping much so its better tt u not know my current state..

also 2 more wks & I'll be leaving here, cant bear to leave but its a must.. have to change another environment again soon.. haiz.. sad.. after dinner, when I walk pass haojie's room, saw his parents visiting him, so touchy.. his parents was asking if he remz to eat (eh.. only heard this sentence) but feeling so warm.. his parents come all the way here to see their son, if he's doing well.. prob too long nv see dad & mum so kind of miss home..

better start reading my notes, still a long way to go before finishing.. & the paper is on fri & I barely finished the 1st chap.. haiz.. signing more & more as days passing by.. wonder how I'll fare this rd, guess the result wont be smthg worth awaiting for..

two weeks more to go & exams stepping in closer.. wonder if I'll fare good enough to maintain my cap & hopefully improve a lot so that I can be considered for honours.. It may be hard but I'm keeping my fingers cross, hoping everything will turn out just fine.. 'started' revision, with ' '.. but only managed to finished one chap, one chap is so long tt is killing all my brain cells dead.. as I read, my eyes juz feel like closing.. havent been sleeping enuff for the past few wks & its time to prepare for exams.. still left with the editing of tpt, bits & pieces here & there to fill up & I have to quickly finish it up as its due on fri, hopefully I can hand in by thurs.. haiz.. may god bless me with luck & see me thru this journey and most importantly to tide thru this ordeal..

Its been a tiring wk for me.. been staying up every single night trying to finish all my projs & assignments.. been so stress, I dont even have time for anything else.. record time: sleeping at 6am and I went for lesson later in the morning!! haa.. but I still havent finish anything yet.. exams approaching but I havent started preparing for it.. so many things undone left me paranoid.. still trying to figure our how to write my fin. report, worried for this mod the most as I fared the worst for this.. this is the first module tt I failed since coming to uni.. haiz.. god, please bless me.. plus there's no news from benji, I guess there's no more hope.. have to think of what to do now.. looking forward to the semester break after the battle & I wanna watch phantom of the opera!!! I must go even if it means I'm gg alone.. so sad, didnt catch TMNT coz nobody is interested to watch & I dont have the time too.. its a blue & gloomy week, hope things will be better soon... so tired..

Stress.. stress.. stress!! exams so close yet i'm still not mugging but struggling with projects.. what exactly is a literature review?? I have been struggling to make sense for the last few hours but no matter which angle I looked at it, it dont look correct.. something missing & i'm not reading enuff to make sense out of it.. Its not my first time doing lit review, but this rd I dont understand a single word of the econs journal, how to do review when I know nuts?? at least soci & eng make sense to me but this... haiz... partly its my fault doing it so last min, dont have time to read many articles.. esp when anthony's expectations of us are so high, its giving me the cold feet.. I dont know if I'll get thru this.. I wonder.. ponder.. wonder how did I convince myself tpt is gonna be fun & the lecturer is great, a great guy.. he's really gd but too gd tt I'm so afraid I'll end up doing smthg tt he end up laughing.. god.. I cant afford to fail.. full of qns marks now, who's there to save me?? it reflect bad on us to consult him now when everyone almost done with theirs..

haiz.. time to get back to it now.. god.. please bless me..