trying very hard to be the old hardworking gal but seem to no avail.. whenever the book is placed in front of me, none of the words sink in.. I really have to buck up but i'm forever feeling sleepy, I just never have enough of sleep.. went home this weekend & mummy says its a long time since she last saw me.. Haa.. its been 17 days since I last went home.. in the end, mummy forced me to eat lots of food.. actually its the CNY goodies which is still piling high but I missed them nonetheless.. ate jap food with xm & ej on sat after mwh activity.. its very very nice, yummy.. esp the dessert.. I wanna go back there to eat again!!

saya mau tidur.. may god bless me with good luck..

I finally finished all the mid term test but maybe almost there.. still have one more BI test which I guess is listening plus oral.. OMG... all I go was 'HUH??' every lesson when we have listening.. I only manage to catch the first sentence which is usually the greeting.. haa.. but I have to conquer it.. expecting to get my papers back next wk along with the grades of metrics & fin.. when na na says its over, I feel "its really over!!!" as in this paper is so hard, I wonder what the *&!@ is it saying... in the end, I guess I 'tikum' most of them.. my skill at it hasnt been always good, there's always a probability of failing to guess the correct one, to be exact, its only a 0.25 chance I'll be right.. trying to use econs in my life but I rather lead a non-stressful life since trying hard to do smthg I suck at is an agony.. it has never been gd to me ever since I declared single major.. I can only hang on with whatever I see ard me..

feeling so sleepy & tired.. there's blood veins appearing in my eyes now, all bcoz of sleeping at 5am almost everyday this wk.. I tried to sleep at 3.30am every night but I only end up turning & tossing.. my eyes are so red with no life at all.. I'm gg to sleep until I wake up just in time for nvac tml.. i'll also TRY to get up early to get bf then sleep again.. was so tired these days tt I couldnt wake up to get any.. my only survival makanan is 4 biscuits.. as I type, my mind is in a daze but I wanna jot down the happy things in BI proj prsn..

Its our prsn day!!! Its very entertaining.. our item is tujuh on the list.. the first singing group is so funny & cute.. never have I seen such a big packet of salt, so big a sweet & chilli.. Haa... kulintang is also very nice... no matter its the base, accompanying or the melody, its all bagus sekali.. haa.. the masak group also prepared very nice makanan for us.. thumbs up for them.. & of course our angklung group.. we did well today.. but I was really super tired...

Cant think properly now.. I shall finish watching 'engine' then I'll hit the bed.. BED!!! finally I can lie on it for a good 8 hrs.. after nvac, I go home sleep again.. need to recoup it back before final exams come.. a walking zombie in the hall is not a nice thing yay.. god, please bless me with a good night sleep...

Had my metrics paper today.. its a disaster!!! didnt have any confidence & plus heard from sarah its a super difficult paper made my moral fall to the bottom.. made so many mistakes, I cant imagine how many marks will I get, wondering if I'll pass... xiao mau.. why didnt u set a more straightforward paper?? its fin paper tml, another killer..

its angklung lesson today.. its getting more & more fun, tml will be our proj prsn day where everyone will gather & present what we have learn in the different activities.. cant wait to taste the food prepared by my sch mates.. yummy!!! haa.. will be able to have fun finally..

'pon ten' 2day's tpt lect in the hope to study for fin tml.. but I'll feeling sleepy now.. hope i'll be able to tahan until 3am.. 'REN'!!! after 4pm, everything will be better.. thou still have 2 more proj to do & 1 more BI test, at least tpt proj, still have xm with me.. tpt seem hard, hope I wont end up being a burden to xm coz having difficulties sinking in the concepts..

its mandi time.. god, please bless me for tml paper!! na na.. hope u wont make me demoralised..

super super tired today.. red bull becomes my form of survival.. rushing to finish my econs readings.. there's so much to do!! I'm gg crazy memorising all the formulas.. when will I ever finish memorising?? so tired trying to remember all the formulas by hard.. 2 more papers to go before sleeping marathon.. i'm pratically a walking zombie with no sign of liveliness.. I need sleep, lotsa of it.. there's 4 mid term this sem & its the worst sem I ever had.. missed last night IHG closing.. sad.. & I'm missing out inter-block supper tonight.. sad*2, missing out all the fun but will feel a sense of guilt if I were to go.. putting studies at the expense of any other things.. I guess I'm just so afraid tt I'll let mummy down thou she's xin teng tt I'm so stress with studies.. instead of stressing me on studies, she's nagging at me to sleep more.. ever since I'm here, I'm spared the nagging... haa.. i wanna go for block supper!!!! its sure to be fun.. but I guess studying will make myself feel better.. I'll def go for the inter-level supper next 2 wks..

today cried so much, read my friend's blog & tears just keep rolling down uncontrollably.. so xin teng but I cant do much.. after which I watched tv, cried again coz of a parting scene.. OMG.. my tears are like running tap.. even reading fiction books can make me cry.. so dont ever let me see unhappy events yay.. I'll cry non-stop.. & dont ever quarrel with me (which is quite impossible to happen, coz so far, dont even remz have I ever engage in an argument with my friends prob except for my brother.. haa.. just like ginnette once said, I can nv pick up a quarrel.. once she tried to quarrel with me & I lost.. ya.. it seem zhi zang but it was the little memories which make sec sch days fun) coz I'll keep blaming myself.. also tried quarreling with yan but failed in my mission..

well... gg back to my notes again.. xiao mau & na na... pls dont set a hard paper yay.. dont have any confidence in any but may god bless me with good memory & intelligence.. god.. please bless me... say mau pergi berlaja sekarang.. sampai bertermu...

Losing way...

Tears just roll down whenever memories are recalled, the past seem to be reminding whats never to repeat & whats gone is gone.. the day when everything seem to change or collapse all seem like yesterday.. its never forgotten.. fear grip me whenever its recalled or whats not being able to do are regrets.. there's always a never ending cycle of reminders.. been reminding myself I'm not unfortunate compared to what I have seen from the other side of the world but prob being too emotional always bring sadness..

Your every single wish is what I want to fulfill, coz I want you to be happy, to realise what you always hope for.. I know the day when the letter came, you are so happy & so are the others.. trying my best but the 'wish' seems just too heavy.. the past just flashed back whenever feeling breathless.. I wonder how do I forget it.. prob others would laugh it off, but its always a wound that never heals.. having reasons for doing everything the way that its done, prob never will you understand.. even in dreams, I dreamt of the whole event.. the dream just seem so real.. so it must never happen again.. Its no longer just about walking out of the situation but about walking out of the past.. will I be able to do it? prob that day will only come when all ends..

Dreams, goal, aim all dashed with the one word, 'no'.. whats left is only disappointment.. its smthg wanted to realise since young.. prob no one would ever understand what it meant to me to fulfill that dream, it might hav been meaningless to others but definitely meant a lot to me.. If departing can be a reality, life would have been very different from now.. prob nothing would have happen & all would be just nothing..

Tired...

Its been a week of mugging for tests & more tests.. rec'd our marks for macro & I only got 14/26!! Thats really a bad start. It just seem like 2 sems ago where I also got 11/20. Its still mugging away for another 2 papers, both are killer mod to me.. OMG.. there are so many formulas to memorise, my head is spinning now!!

Friday was CNY formal dinner.. Its sweet of Sarah to bring me clothes so tt I can be a pretty gal @ the dinner.. Haa.. but I guess I didnt have the prior quality so didnt really look pretty.. Haa.. but anyway, the dinner was fun, had fun lao yu sheng & eating steamboat with my block mates.. it was nice to see everyone wearing nice clothes.. but I saw one who wore a suit.. ( '_' ").. its not even a resturant but our very own hall canteen!! thou the prizes we won, I wonder where it gone to but seeing everyone involved in the games was so fun.. btw.. the host (male) is so cute!! he's really humourous.. only know his name & from the same block, didnt know him by his person.. but I must say he's cool.. but of course he's not the only one.. Haa... Its the 1st event in hall which involve everyone & I get to see people from other blocks & also my very own acers!! Overall, it was really fun..

my comp failed on me after I came back on Fri... & went I go to the comp center to send for service.. but the comp was perfectly fine!! Damn!! opps!! wasted my time & I missed NB class.. in the end only went for LO & yoga.. the yoga instructor was erm..... a bit sissy??? haa.. but he's really nice.. has to split my leg 2day!! OMG, i'm stiff like hell.. after which I rushed to MWH.. played games with the residents.. hmm... the game was fishing.. Haa... ya.. tts right, FISHING!! wonder how the residents can 'fish' for the whole hour.. but seeing them having fun makes me happy..

left with 1 more chap of metrics & many many chaps of fin... so gtg tidur now.. or else, its a concussion day again.. sampai bertemu... mari...

Hard day.. hard paper..

juz finish a paper.. i can only say i HATE economics.. or sld I say I'm not someone into econs & I drag myself into this dilemma? prob I shouldnt be here at all, instead, to do smthg I enjoy & familiar.. but anyway, I'm almost there so I can only just hang on.. have another paper later in the evening.. wonder will the blow from macro add on.. haiz.. feeling so demoralised now.. I have to buck up for econs!!! study real hard & praying hard I'll maintain my cap.. god, please save me.. bless me with a brain with economic thinking no matter which sch of thoughts.. thou I prefer keynes.. gtg catch a wink wink b4 studying for BI...

Its CNY again...

time flies.. its another year, CNY here... today is chu san, bao & nancy will be coming later & we'll go to shan's house later.. reunion dinner is the same old style with the same old food but I'm happy eating all the food prepared by mummy & daddy.. but I scaled my middle finger.. sobz.. & in the night i got bitten by dont know what.. there are now so many red marks on my legs & my 2nd finger is swollen like pig's hand.. sobz.. went to san yi's house on chu yi.. its been so long since I last saw san yi & realise time takes away youth real fast.. san yi aged a lot & she's feeling pain at the back & leg.. so xin teng... juz hours ago went to san po's hse & saw kor kor & xiao jie jie's sons.. really cute but sad that we are not close to them, dont even know their names.. can only remember san yi's side grandsons & granddaughters.. hmm... but I'm happy to see xiao jie jie, long time nv see her le...

Later in the day I'll be gg sentosa to see the flowers!!!! HAPPY!!! but sadly, i'll be gg back to hostel to mug for mid-term tests soon.. there are so many tests ahead & assignments due, my mind is bothered by them... haiz... fun is ending soon & I'll have to buck up!!! YILIN, JIA YOU!!! & ya... I'm officially 24!! sad.. aging & pondering what have I accomplished except progressing towards realising mine & mum's wishes... I must make my life more exciting & know more friends yay.. must make the best out of my uni life since its gonna end soon.. sad..

God... please bless me.. with luck.. I need lots of it...

Its been 1 mth since I'm staying in hostel!!! Haa... I've been having fun, knowing more friends & they are all very nice & fun pple.. I'm so happy here!! prob the only bad side is when I need to wash clothes!! there's really intensive competition here, sharing 8 washing machine & 4 dryers with people from 2/3 levels.. OMG!! I have to always keep track of the time so that I can grab the first dryer I see.. but its also a fun part itself.. Haa.. contradicting right??

CNY is stepping near.. but this wk has been a hmmm.... how sld I describe it? thou CNY is near but knowing tt my friend will not be able to enjoy it as in the past made my heart ache for her.. till now, it's still hard to accept the reality even for me let alone her.. Jas's bro met with an accident & passed away, looking at her made me wanna cry with her, having to put up a strong front in front of all others & esp for her parents.. I just hope I can be the friend to be there for her if whenever she needs someone to talk to or go walk walk with.. I know I've been a bad friend, not keeping in constant contact with her & only when something happen, I remember her presence.. but no matter what, I hope to be always there for her.. I'll always be here for u yay, thou u wont see this blog but its from the bottom of my heart.. I guess everyone hope its a dream & not reality.. but whats lost can never catch hold of it anymore..

The recent fri, sat & sun (09/02-11/02) was spent in chalet, the purpose was to celebrate my b'day.. time really flies & I'm 24 this year already!!! pondering what have I accomplished this year?? graduation is not far but I cant bear to leave sch.. Haa.. wondering again what will I be in the future..

V'day was spent with xm at vivocity.. didnt want to stay alone in hostel, tt would be so sad.. we ate dinner together & shop ard.. Today (15/02) we learn how to play the angklung, it was quite fun.. I'm playing the B note but I only have probably ard 5 notes to play, out of the whole song.. so little, right?? It's also block supper celebrating CNY tonight.. Its fun as we gather together to makan & chit chat.. I hope time would just stop here & the fun would just go on.. Haa.. god, please bless me with getting a hall next sem, please??

gtg tidur now or else I wont be able to wake up for 9am class.. feeling so sleepy & its macro class again.. I hate tt class!! Liu Jia!! pls dont call me up to the board!!! ZzzZzzzz... May I have a gd sleep.. sweet dreams...

I'm back at home today!! Its been 2 wks in hostel & I'm enjoying every min of it.. Its been fun learning to be independent, doing all the bits of my life where mummy used to do it nicely for me.. now I know how hard all the work are.. have to do my laudary, clean the room & keeping things tidy.. but everyday have been a learning day & its fun without any restriction imposed on me, no one to nag at me & I can go out as late as I want.. Haa.. I'm getting to know more people now & they are really nice..
I went for rebonding on tues & it was a bad choice.. now my hair is in a mess with uneven cut & bad rebond.. wonder if they have a time slot for me to do retification.. I'm so sad.. :'( wanna have a nice hairstyle for CNY but its so bad now.. gonna call them later..
Went to MWH this sat, we did handicraft.. learn how to do dragonfly & heart-shaped scent bag.. It was fun.. but smelling the lavender flowers for the whole session made everyone's head so pain.. xm even came down with a fever.. oh no.. after the session. I went PS to meet up with nancy & bao.. went shopping ard.. was feeling so tired as I slept at 3am the prev night.. talking abt the prev night.. I went to the toilet at ard 2.30am, wanted to brush my teeth b4 heading to bed but I keep hearing some noises.. in the end, after I finish pee-ing, I dash out of the toilet as fast as my 2 short legs can carry me.. went toilet again at ard 6.30am, the noise is still there.. so scary.. when I finally wake up at 8.30, the noise is no longer there!!! OMG.. have I been hearing noises??
god, please bless me... please...