Predominantly Me..

feeling tired these days.. starting to find everything ard me dreadful.. Its hard to determine who's true, who's fake, which words are true & which are made-up.. I always trust myself in the perception of pple but now starting to see people in a different angle.. used to feel everyone is their real self but when you are caught in the current environment, its the ignition to doubt everyone's motive.. am I being overly senstitive, making myself so unhappy? even thou it for long term but its a torture to stay there looking at them.. when you asked me why, I cant tell you the truth.. it isnt bcoz I wanna hide anything from you but its hard to explain what I meant to say out coz I would never be able to know who you really are.. I wish I didnt have to be always guessing but I cant stop myself now.. didnt even realise since when did I become a extreme grumpy person, I have loads of sorrows to pour out everyday & poor SD became my victim, hearing me complain everyday (I'm really sorry & I really apreciate you for 'reading' my long list of complaints on msn which is non-stop & lengthy)..

when everything starts to go wrong, I'm becoming disppointed in myself & sometimes doubt my worth, sld I say 'useless' or 'not cut out for it'?.. & to add on to the despair moment, the atitude being treated is only making me feel out of place.. the mood swing from you made me caught in btw, sld I be here or there or I shouldnt have been here in the first place.. ur reply has a hidden thorns, was it bcoz of the change? I didnt asked for the change & it became my fault? or was it smthg else? prob I have been thinking too much, probing over whats wrong, what wrong have I done or have I only caused you trouble.. Its only departure tt will make things right.. but I know I feel bad twd LP when not once but twice asking me to continue till the last.. but my last limit is over, long over sld I say.. Its not a decision made now but a mth ahead.. how do I tell you the truth? I wish I could.. I know this will be a typical situation in the future & you are always worried tt I'll be bullied by others or bullied by my friends.. but I'm already tried my best.. I can only try my best to hold on longer.. I'll try... will trying help?