Today isn't a great day to start off.. as what I have predicted, none of the econs mod are allocated to me.. SOBZ.. :'(.. with so poor on pts, how do I bid for 4 core mods? last sem was a terrible bidding period, now its even worst with none pre-allocated to me.. now I'll have to do the horrible bidding over in HK... think at most I'll be able to get only 2.. keeping my fingers crossed.. may god watched over me, blessed me with luck..

2 more days over at GES.. finally leaving soon.. now I'm loaded with so much work.. they still couldnt find a temp to help them out.. nearly wanted to blurt out tt I'll be able to help them out if they still cant find a temp by the time I'm back... but think I need a gd rest to prepare myself for the battle ahead.. next sem would be the last & I must work doubly hard to get my merit status.. I'm barely making it, wish I'll be able to do it.. Jia You!!! I'll def miss sch.. even thou I wanted to get out asap when I first came in but now I cant bear to part with sch life.. life in sch def much better than the working life.. the people are much simplier.. even if people are battling for the best but its a fair & sq game, not one which involves stepping on other people to achieve their goal.. life of skipping lect can nv apply to working.. Haa.. but I'll def will continue to pursue my new goal.. prob others might not understand but achieving these goals brings me satisfaction & most importantly, a smile on mummy's face.. as she always says, the best ever thing that happen to her is seeing her children gg to uni.. I fulfilled it & I wanna do my best to make her proud of her daughter.. at least we wont be looked down by 1 of the relative who always feel that having lots of riches can bring many & better things.. even thou we might not be able to afford personal tutor but both bro & I made it with mass tuition.. He's gg to uni too.. thou it might not be a local uni but mummy is happy too... hopefully when I grad, will be able to work in my dream place.. I know it might not be the type of environment for me but I'm looking forward to the challenges..

2 more days, I'll be flying soon.. been so bz these days buying stuffs.. too lazy to start packing.. will try to start after work today.. gonna go ZzzzZzz now...

3 more days to go!! I'll be leaving there soon.. Haa.. happy? 'she bu de'? i guess neither 1 of them seem to be within me.. heaving a sign of relief, i guess.. ah yong asked me smthg which left with tongue-tied.. who do I think is nice here? sld I say none.. tot everything is pretty gd but prob there are things which blinded me from seeing whats gonna happen later on.. but its gonna end soon.. ah yong is quite a nice person, always chatting with me after my move over to AP side... feeling more at ease over there even thou used to heard bad stuffs abt there.. its only when u tried b4 u determine if smthg is gd or bad & not thru words.. she's a great of korean & hk dramas.. she's always excited when smthg new is releasing... & she likes to matchmake too.. haa.. matchmaking Ben to the AP gals...

with the departure also means i'm gg to GZ & HK soon!! yeah... but mummy been so worried i'll be abducted or i'll go missing... guess she read too many newspaper on that kind of news.. losing sleep over my trip.. dont worry yay, i'll be just fine.. hope everything will go smoothly & have lots of fun.. been so tired these days, brooding over if this has been done or that have been done.. afraid i'll forget to bring smthg.. too lazy to start packing anything.. haa... will try my best to start packing smthg into the lagguage.. cant contain my excitement.. counting down!!!

Its a busy busy last week... beside rotting @ times & sometimes bz @ work, the rest is houseworks... went ichiban with xm last fri, both of us only ate 7 plates.. Haa.. guess we wasnt so hungry.. smthg diff last wkend.. last sat was at kayle's birthday which is held at changi fairy chalet 4.. she's 2 yrs old now while her ah yi who is me whose age is a 2 digit now.. Haa.. saw all my cousins & their children... times flies, all of them are so tall now & askye can walk on his own now.. he is so so adorable.. he loves to eat so much tt he would to strech his hand out to you at the sight of anyone haing food on their plates.. played with them all night & stuffing myself with all the goodies prepared by my cousin-in-law & his sister.. the food is yummy!! stayed overnight there where there are 7 bedrooms.. shared one with san yi & another relative of mine & also 2 cousins.. didnt manage to sleep well as it was quite squeezy to have 3 pple sharing the bed, plus its a new environment.. woke up ard 7am the next morning to take a stroll ard the area.. walked the path with my cousins, their children, san yi & mummy.. Its great despite tt i was the target of mosquitoes.. I sprayed so much repellent on me but no effect on me at all.. sobz.. wondering if there's another chance we'll walk like that together again..

this week been pretty alright.. happy with the new change, less stress & everyone is great to me.. at least I'm really happier here.. wanted to leave earlier as I'm exhausted being there but HR wouldnt approve my leave no matter the 'crap' I tried to come up with.. had to stay on till the end.. met bao 3 days in a wk.. haa.. ate dinner together & shop ard the area.. wasnt feeling well these few days, been vomitting after my dinner & LS-ing in the morning.. Haiz... am I sick? but I'm feeling alright except feeling the tiredness in me... hopefully next wk wud be great & I'll be feeling better by than.. 7 more days!!!! GZ & HK.. here I come!!!!

feeling tired these days.. starting to find everything ard me dreadful.. Its hard to determine who's true, who's fake, which words are true & which are made-up.. I always trust myself in the perception of pple but now starting to see people in a different angle.. used to feel everyone is their real self but when you are caught in the current environment, its the ignition to doubt everyone's motive.. am I being overly senstitive, making myself so unhappy? even thou it for long term but its a torture to stay there looking at them.. when you asked me why, I cant tell you the truth.. it isnt bcoz I wanna hide anything from you but its hard to explain what I meant to say out coz I would never be able to know who you really are.. I wish I didnt have to be always guessing but I cant stop myself now.. didnt even realise since when did I become a extreme grumpy person, I have loads of sorrows to pour out everyday & poor SD became my victim, hearing me complain everyday (I'm really sorry & I really apreciate you for 'reading' my long list of complaints on msn which is non-stop & lengthy)..

when everything starts to go wrong, I'm becoming disppointed in myself & sometimes doubt my worth, sld I say 'useless' or 'not cut out for it'?.. & to add on to the despair moment, the atitude being treated is only making me feel out of place.. the mood swing from you made me caught in btw, sld I be here or there or I shouldnt have been here in the first place.. ur reply has a hidden thorns, was it bcoz of the change? I didnt asked for the change & it became my fault? or was it smthg else? prob I have been thinking too much, probing over whats wrong, what wrong have I done or have I only caused you trouble.. Its only departure tt will make things right.. but I know I feel bad twd LP when not once but twice asking me to continue till the last.. but my last limit is over, long over sld I say.. Its not a decision made now but a mth ahead.. how do I tell you the truth? I wish I could.. I know this will be a typical situation in the future & you are always worried tt I'll be bullied by others or bullied by my friends.. but I'm already tried my best.. I can only try my best to hold on longer.. I'll try... will trying help?

I wonder if it has been a wrong decision.. everything has changed.. changed as a result of people, environment or a resultant caused by no one else but me.. I wonder what had happen & whats wrong.. It has been good initially but things took a change.. tired.. is there any worth left?? I guess what has happen all these while shown otherwise.. Its time to do what need to be done.. Its wrong right from the start but its impossible to start things over again, things can only go right by putting an end to all these.. What looks smooth sailing is the event prior to a thunderstorm..

Its another wkend spent in a routine way except for my upset tummy.. feeling sick but had to help out with the housework while mummy is still recovering.. sunday is here & here comes Mon bluez again.. 27 more days to go & I'll be leaving there.. it allowed me to learn new things there but it has also brought me stress.. & also, it allow me to see the diff faces & characters of people & most importantly decide my route for the future.. I just hope I didnt cause any trouble to anyone.. It will be another farewell soon.. to my surprise, I'm actually looking forward to gg back to sch.. Haa.. I love the life of being a student except for the stress over exams & assignments.. Hmmm... nothing much happen this wkend.. & its been 3 wks since I last went for MWH activities.. Haa.. guess my 'ai xin' is diminishing.. but looking forward to the CAN Proj which is 2 wks from now & also Kayle's b'day.. will be seeing my cousins, nephews & nieces soon..