now i'm being 'loaned' over to the costing side to help out... having things to do beats rotting away, isnt it.. but at least when I'm bored, I have shidah to chat online with or opening the smallest possible window, checking my mail or the sch website.. Haa... not much work now ever since the new exec coming in.. anyway, left with 4 wks more before leaving.. will I ever come back here? prob not.. my ideal place of work is still banks..

on my way back from lunch, saw a Lamborghini car parked right in front of the co!!! its one of the director's.. seeing is believing!! its so so so cool... the sleek design is OMG nice & the price is OMG as well.. $1m++ a car!!! when will I ever be able to afford tt kind of car.. wanted to go hug it but the security guard is just few distance away!! humph!! I missed the chance.. eunice even asked me to go kissed it!! Haa.. I would if I can.. Haa..

its been a wk with my new perm.. cant wait for 6 mths to pass & I'm gonna make it flat away.. having to twist my hair everyday is so tiring.. I have to spend at least 15 mins twisting hair day & night.. unlike st hair, juz need to comb & out I can go off.. I must be crazy or too stressed to decide on perm.. there's a lot of things gg on which is hard to explain.. doing smthg diff is to relieve the stress hidden within.. there's a need to do smthg or go on a shopping spree to make myself happier.. the feeling just not right.. initially, one might juz see things tt are apparent but with time passed, the ugly side surface which makes me feeling so disappointed.. it is true tt, "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." There are some who have def make up my world but it is also true tt one will meet pretentious acquaintances claiming right to friendship.. Prob I sld give them credit, for without experiencing disappointment, how can one become stronger.. anyway, jul will be a bz mth for me with activities every wkend.. but before the trip, I have to do the much hated bidding.. Haiz.. finally the mod listing is released but its def not gd news.. most of the exam dts are side by side & all biz exams clashed with econs.. I didnt even read the mod outline since I dont have much choices.. more importantly is to spread out the exam dts.. 4 econs exam being too close is def feeding yourseld a poisonous potion prior to sch commencement..

28 days more to go & here I come!!!!

there's always a point when one will feel tired of all things, feeling despair & wishing for things to turn for the better but reality are always the hardest to accept.. suddenly sensing LP's tiredness & disappointment thru her expression.. thou she didnt say much but can see that she's tired of how people put up a mask everyday.. guess there's no real self, everyone are vying for credits.. only been there for a few months but I'm tired too.. suddenly have to see where the wind blows as they always like to say.. is today a calm weather or a storm? suddenly she asked if I would consider working there.. to me, I'm sick of doing mono work.. I know the route I chose for myself to head is tough & its much worst than the experience now but I'm still willing to try.. I may not be the type of character that LP & mummy asked me to learn so that I wont get bullied but its hard to change myself.. Haiz.. I still love my status as a student.. love my sch life.. missed sch too.. Haa.. ard 1.5 mths more b4 I head back to sch for my last sem.. wow.. time really flies, my first day in sch is still vividly in my mind & now its the last.. I'm a blessed girl, to have met so many great friends there, sharing the sweet & bitter part of sch life, cracking our brains together solving the never-solvable econs qns, 'piang-ing' for proj, complaining abt our tutors & so much more.. ec2303, ec3303, ec3101 & ec2102 lecturers are so far my fav..

Hopefully the week will get better as it progress on.. 4 wks+, I'll be flying soon.. wooo... Haa.. thou the Korea trip this jul is cancelled but SK promised to postpone till next yr.. looking forward to it!!! I wanna buy almost all the things I see in korean dramas.. Haa.. & of course, the best part is gg there with mummy, aunt, cousin & adian... the 3 of them are my closest & important pple to me.. gtg sleep now....

My new hairstyle...

*~before~*

*~after~*


Got a new hairstyle today!!! went to perm my hair after much deliberation.. wanted to change smthg new but lacked the courage.. have always been rebonding my hair, making it straight but now wanted to pluck it all out coz I'm used to plucking out hair tt are curly... now since all are curly, I cant do tt anymore.. not really sure if it fits me coz I look more mature now.. Haiz.. a choice made but be it right or wrong, I have to live with it for the time being... wonder if my collegues will be shocked when I go back to office on Mon.. everyone will be asking me qns... Haa.. then there's also my other friends... hopefully I didnt look very old with this hairstyle.. however, at least this choice can be reversed.. I can always rebond back my hair but in life, choices made are most of the time irreversible.. we cant turn back time if we have made the wrong choice.. that is so true & tts how I feel now.. if I had known this is the outcome, this decision wouldnt have been made... if only.. 'if only' can be foreseen... feeling lost in office these days.. somehow, becoming withdrawn from all others.. seem to be doing all the wrong things or lacking behing bcoz of reasons tt I cant say it out.. becoming tired & restless there but I can only hang on for another 5 wks.. Haiz.. when will the end of 5 wks arrive?

Been bz helping out with the chores at home & making sure mummy doesnt move too much.. prob i'm being over paronoid but worried for mummy after her eye operation.. Just wanna her to rest well.. took leave on fri to help out with things at home but end up feeling so sick (flu non-stop).. but nothing will stop me from stepping out of the house for shopping.. Heez... met bao for shopping then together with nancy for dinner.. guess my stamina of walking for long hours are lower now.. cant wait to find a place to sit down after walking ard for a while.. Haa.. on our way home, we were making plans for nxt fri to go out again, taking leave together.. Haa.. wonder if this will last forever.. occasion outing for shopping or dinner or just chilling out.. esp since everyone been telling me its hard for anything to last as one moves on in life to another stage.. true? prob i'll only know 10 yrs later?

i'm too easily bullied? being nice is smthg wrong? my collegues kept reminding me, muz b firm & talk louder when dealing with people or people will take you for granted or get on top of you.. well.. these are the things not inborn in me.. i'm always being told i'm too 'neng'... Haiz.. how to change my character?

feeling low these few days.. the urge to leave is so great today.. i'm not sure if there's any point staying on.. mum not stopping me which comes to my surprise.. nv at any point in life, the desire to leave a place is so great.. in the past, endure is smthg I'll keep telling myself but this time rd, the feeling is so great to the extend that I cant continue.. it might sound weird.. I have no idea why the sudden emotion.. to leave or to stay?

A lot of unexpected things seem to happen which leaves no time for reaction.. wondering if I have done something wrong or have I asked for smthg which I have to give up the current possessions.. if all these have to happen, I wish I have nothing in the first place.. I feel the fear, see the sadness but there's nothing I can do except to divert away the attention.. as much as the laughter is short-lived, there's a limit to what one can do.. wishing nothing have happen... feeling so disappointed, as a part, you feel nothing & care less..

Quite a happening 2 weeks I had.. last week was quite slack as the budget was almost done, left the part of reviewing before the finalised outcome.. by then its another rd of amendments by us.. learned a lot from my sup, prob except dont approach her when FC kept asking if she's done but I'll also end up being one of the victim as I'm also sharing the workload, ending up with phonecalls asking if I'm done.. quite scared I'll make mistakes actually.. frustrated when no matter how hard I tried, the adjusting figure juz wont go down.. humph!!! last fri was the day that determines my fate.. didnt fared good enuff to my expectations but luckily I cleared all of them, incl my curse, fin. econs & tpt... muz really jia you all the way next sem to keep my cap stable.. later in the night, met up with van, kl & eunice.. its been a long time since I catch up with them.. gosh!! sure missed the good ole days when we were still in poly, enjoying sch life.. now then I realised poly life def allow me to have more time for fun as compared to now where I'm occupied with countless readings & tutorials.. a lot of changes going on in life which we can never go back to before..

sat is mwh visit to chat with them.. Its the first time I actually talk so much to old folks.. haa.. in the past, I fear talking to them bcoz I hate to see them cry, they get agitated when they talk about their children coz they are usually abandoned by them there.. the residents at mwh are slightly diff, so far most of the residents I met are cheerful while some may not remz the past but I guess having someone to talk to makes them happy.. after the visit, we ate at kenny rogers.. the food are not too bad but the amount sure is large, ate so much on that night.. met jinyao too as I was leaving the resturant.. went shopping ard b4 leaving for home..

on sun, met up with caiyun & QQ at noon then eunice later in the night.. guess QQ & eunice heard a lot of my grumbles.. learned smthg thru the conversation too.. nv go too deep, it might be hard & pain to pull out later.. whats the reason & def for all the unexplained & undefined in my life? too much is bottled up.. crying wont help, right? I guess its not a sense of sadness but rather frustration that things arent going right & my patience has long since diminished with each crossover.. my patience limit is great in my sense but nv cross it, it only made me wanna distance myself from all... putting up a strong front to show that nothing can beat me down but feeling tired now.. prob the thing lacking in eunice's life is also what I'm lacking.. its not smthg that juz happen out of a sudden but a realisation as time passed.. the distance getting farther apart & prob its better to let the distance continues rather than trying hard but only hurt yourself in the process or the end result is nothing but overpower with sadness.. emptiness & echo can be felt with the departure.. who's there, who's not, what's there, what's not, doesnt really matter, right? or am I juz deceiving myself? but looking from another perspective, not everything is lost.. there are other things which are still with me in life..

for this week... its a week of OTs everyday.. rushing thru amendments of budgets & month end closing.. had to work a full day on sat too.. haiz... deadbeat now.. has to missed mwh visit coz I juz cant seem to finish all the work on hand.. finding it hard to familiarised myself with all the files & new way of doing things. wanna do lots of things but much of my time is taken up by work or the diff activities.. most importantly, I need to catch up on sleep.. as the weeks passed, more familiarised with the environment & knowing more collegues.. thou its the same old place but faces def have changed... thru work, learned the diff faces of people, nv judge a book by its cover.. hopefully I'll survive thru the 2 months left & make no mistakes.. may god bless me with intelligence...