Will be MIA-ing soon with the exams approaching.. DREAD!! I wish I don't have to study anymore.. the initial thought of taking up my Masters after this is long gone.. I guess I had enough of studying..

Received goodies from wq all the way from Japan.. Happy!! reminds me of the nice food when I was there.. waiting for xm's goodies from BKK which I'll get tml!! just got back from TW for my biz trip and soon will be on my way to China next week.. for all my previous trips, I always had NK with me but this time rd, he's leaving me to go by myself.. I wish the place to go alone is not China as I'm not exactly fond of gg there & the saddening part is I'm gg to a 'niao bu sheng dan de di fang' in China.. seems like I do more of airport shopping during biz trip as I didnt get much chance to shop ard.. hopefully I'll be back to all these places to really tour ard.. It's nice to travel to play but not travel to work, right?? am sure 'xiao xia mi' will agree with me..

Will be finally mtg up with my uni kakis!! Its been ages since we last met.. I had to miss the last gathering as I was informed last min to fly out on that day.. miss the days when we all get to lectures together, cracking our brains for our assignments/projs and crapping together... :) will be back to NUS soon to study for my exams as I won't then have access to my tv & bed which is my favourite possession at home.. heez.. will be having my steamboat with xm too!! yummy!! waiting for everyone's exams to end before mtg up with my poly dar-lins as well.. ages since we last had dinner together.. anyway, I'm the last to finish my exams... haiz..

I NEED A LONG VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Thoughts

You are at a place which has everything you wished for but yet it is not the place you want to be in.. You want to be in the place that you always yearn for but yet it may not have everything that you wished for & opportunities to get there seems far-fetching.. Its hard to have the best of both world.. Is the former or the latter the preferred choice? How is it best to seek the equilibrium in life? An example as quoted from my uni Econs lecturer about the invisible hand theory.. When a baby is crying, let him/her cry on as there will be a time when he/she will stop when he/she knows its to no avail.. so when you keep on dreaming on but no advancement, there will be a time when you stop dreaming..

Wishful Thoughts...

If only my wishes turn real half of the time.. Was chatting with my colleagues about the tremors she felt on Wed in office due to the earthquake in Sumatra.. As I have left for the day so felt nothing.. so I was telling her that all the tremors that people felt was never experience by me.. An unintentional wish came through.. For a moment, felt unwell & I thought the screw of my chair had come loose when I felt my chair shaking or am I gonna faint again?? but my colleague shouted to me if I felt the shake.. Yes!! My first ever encounter with tremors from mother nature.. Compared to the people there at the mercy of natural disasters, my one second of feeling unwell was nothing compared to their pain.. The pain of finding their loved ones under the debris or seeing their homes collapsed, its really heart wrenching.. Lots of other places been hit with natural disasters lately, hope life will get back to normal for them very soon..

Been hearing this song quite frequently lately..

歌名:一百萬
作曲:黃一飛, 編曲:謝繼麟
監製、填詞:黃一飛

若是我有一百萬　一百萬　我有一百萬　一世人就輕鬆

無講無人知　講到真歹勢　吃甲彼呢大漢　擱不曾坐飛機
打拼彼多年　無車無厝擱無愛人　看人娶某擱做生意　有錢擱有勢

若是我有一百萬　我要坐飛機　我要遊世界HAWAII晒太陽　日本吃壽司
若是我有一百萬　我要買車買厝山珍甲海味　啥人卡福氣來乎我做某

若是我有一百萬　一百萬　若是你有欠用錢　開嘴免客氣

若是我有一百萬　我要坐飛機　我要遊世界　義大利飲咖啡　路邊吃Spaghetti
若是我有一百萬　我要買車買厝買店來收租　閒閒免做工　帶狗去散步

若是我有一百萬　一百萬　若是你有欠用錢　開嘴免客氣
若是我有一百萬　一百萬　十千八千拿去用　免還嘛無問題
若是我有一百萬　一百萬～

口白：朋友啊，你想一百萬真多啊！

Hmmm.... If what I wish for will come true like the tremors, I wish I have 一百萬.. 若是我有一百萬 first thing I'll probably do is to have all the cash laid out on my bed & plunge myself onto the bed.. shiok!! Haa.. yes.. crazy thoughts.. Its hard to strike rich when I don't even buy TOTO, 4D or anything associated with gambling.. I can only wish I'll walk on the streets & chance upon stacks of notes.. but on another note I might end up handling it to the police.. haiz.. guess, I can only be an average working adults who will slog till I retire..

Tiger Woods became the first sports star with the billionaire status.. If only I have that day coming forth.. IF ONLY.. To take that route would be pretty tough with me very much still a duffer.. the adrenaline that comes with being able to execute what he can do is strangely thrilled but may one day I'll attain a tiny portion of his mental ability.. looking at him play just wow me..

seemingly, been seeing lots of news or articles talking about the richest people on earth.. But sadly, I'll never be.. Being notified while on the car, I've been unanimously been titled as the director of 'MAS' by my friends with xm seconded to me.. well, I know the reasons to it but I'm definitely not what they say yay.. guess I'll shall still hold on to the wish of finding stacks of notes on the street.. Will you grant me this wish, genie??

Genie.. I need a Genie...

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Let me shout or curse out loud can? before I go bogus.. I really don't understand just how to make things work & I mean it.. for the benefit of my bank account, I have to stop myself from retail therapy.. for the benefit of upholding my obligations, I have to force myself to go for class.. If only a genie appears to grant me all my wishes.. Genie, genie.. where are you??

busy busy weekend ahead...

一直努力的在飞，只希望能有那么一天能到达想到的地方.. 因为太多的太在意，一切变得是一种包袱.. 觉得好累好累.. 天真的希望因为努力完成某些事，一切能变的不同，我错了.. 当那决定已成事实，所有努力在同一时间被否决..

Wondering if there's any value in the continued existence of hoping for a change.. Feeling pretty disappointed and low these days & I just wish there will be a twist in event that will push me forward.. when will that day come? even if it does, will I be contented after that?? who knows??

well.. summarising up, besides classes, classes & more classes (Yes!! I passed when I thought I'll never make it & learning a new sport as well), there's also work, work & LESS work (Yes!! I'm still at the same old boring job when I thought I'll never make past a year) & having fun with friends.. not that there is a need to grumble when there is less work but its frustrating when every hours of yours are accounted for.. at year end appraisal, "TA TA" when boss presents to ya all your billable & non-charagable hours, you are answerable for it.. worst of all, my bonus is dependent on that.. haiz.. exam results stress, work related stress & others just seem never ending..

happiest time are of course when there's play, who doesnt like all play & no work, right??..

:) glad to share my poly buddy's happiest day and all the preparations we made prior to that day.. happy to be part of her fondest memory..

:) inspired by the world's genius, Da Vinci at Science Centre.. I love his paintings!! If only I have the chance to view the actual pieces in Paris.. when will that day come?? We watch the sea monster there too, the last time I watched a show there was when I was in pri school which is ages ago..

:) Kang Xi's exihibition at ACM.. It was not that pleasant as the crowd just seems too much & too noisy as everyone talk so loudly..

:) Ballet under the stars at Fort Canning.. Nice picnic we had & the show was great too.. Its my first outdoor show & not as bad as I thought would be..

:) Rock my way with Mayday!! Love their performance to bits!! We got CAT 1 seats & the stage was much closer up as compared to Wong Lee Hom's concert when he was so small even thou we were seated at CAT 2.. I could so clearly see Ah Xin & the others.. heez.. really happy!! I would glee even just looking at the photos taken from my phone from time to time.. wish we had been seated on the side, I would def reach my hand out to them.. haa... also, should have been more determined to wear the t-shirt I bought from KH during my biz trip which was designed by Ah Xin.. there were lots of people wearing that.. anyway, our next aim is to watch concert at 'xiao ju dan'!! Hope that day comes soon!!

:) Little other stuffs include checking out nice food, movies (latest that I watched are UP, Proposal & Time Traveller's Wife), shopping & chilling out together with friends..

Hmmmm... that's about it.. nothing special happen.. but I'm badly sleep deprived!!!

ah!!!!!!!

Seiously, doubt I'll make it this time.. won't be as lucky as before.. the ideal turns out to be so different.. what more could I expect?? feeling so lousy.. not looking forward to the days ahead.. counting down to the day when my mood might fall to the lowest.. the blackest moment yet again... ah!!!!!!!!!! wish I could find a place to shout it out.. trash my lungs out.. the only solution can only be to get out of it..

Backdated entries..

Nothing much happening since I last blog... done everything I could in office as well so secretly blogging while I can.. Heez...

well, laziness got the better of me so any activities wise, check it out on my facebook or my friends photos... they have pretty much what I done with them together... Here goes a quick summary...

busy weeks at work as my colleagues off to the States for training & I'm here to clear all their work.. sobz.. when they are finally going to be back, I flew off to KHH for business trip.. I'm always envious of my cousins who get to fly for business trips but they would always say I'll know what it feels like when I get the chance.. well..

Its pretty tiring as I had to go to the airport from office and continue working after I touch down to prepare for the meeting.. thou tiring but I don't mind travelling around for work.. I still get to see the different life that people lead even thou its short trip.. love to see different culture and how people live their life.. Its an eye opener for me.. see interesting way of working at my client's place.. seeing is believing.. their lunch time was pretty much different from us.. they had nice lunch box prepared for them which had 4 small dishes and a soup.. when I was on my way to the washroom, all the lights were off and the staffs were all resting after their lunch!! I had to crept so that my court shoes wont make any noise.. how nice if ever my boss impose that system for us.. when their lunch hours is over, you will hear music over the PA system.. its now exercise time!! They were all stretching together with the music.. Isnt it nice of the management to have their staff welfare at their interest.. The people there were warm and friendly, you can hear them chatting and laughing heartedly.. One of the VP sent us back to the hotel when its quite far a distance from his home.. You can never find this warm and friendliness which comes from the heart in s'pore.. went to the night markets as well but as I was too full from the dinner earlier (we ate far too much), I can no longer stuff anything inside me but we tried some of the local food there.. its pretty nice but guess NK was not use to it since he was born in the states.. had the chance to walk around there half a day on the final day before I depart and its really nice.. would be back there one day with my parents and aunt..

Had my root canal surgery as I have been bearing with the pain for quite some time, think since uni.. My face and gum are pretty sore & swollen now.. 2 more procedures before I'm done.. what is the saddest that sets my heart bleeding is the high costs.. I could have buy almost 5 ipod touch (the lowest GB) with that!! but it cant be help anyway.. since I cant really eat, could save my money on that.. Haa.. & Hope dad will be discharged soon & towards full recovery, praying hard that he has no more op in future..

guess that pretty much summed up my not so exciting life?? Haa.. its finally fri!! had to accompany my friend for bbq tml as everyone ban sie her.. doubt I can eat actually but will make my appearance & leave shortly I guess.. ages since I last saw the MWH gang.. had to miss Kayla's b'day too.. sobz... would love to be there.. missed all my cousins, nephews and nieces...

wow!! I wrote quite a bit, isnt it??

Been a busy busy busy weeks... ot, ot & more ot... Horray to MD leaving for his holi & seminar soon!!! haa.. bad employee I am (no wonder I scored so highly at the game of "shaking" when the boss is not ard.. haa..)

kinda lazy to do blogging so here goes a super duper summarized entry..

April: Its CATS musical with yan & von.. its pretty nice & looking to more musicals with the gals again.. its a first time too with no drinks for us & we settled for desserts instead.. healthier, right?? heez...

May: Before I leave for my study leave, had my first opportunity at overseas business trip.. it used to be just in s'pore but happy to have the chance.. it's also the first & last with NK as he's hiring someone soon to help him out there.. feeling kinda sad actually but anyway, no one is irreplacable, right? After I got back, had to cancel part of my leave to help out at the client's place so pretty ill-prepared for the exams.. haiz.. had a bad encounter at the client's place too.. bitched about it with yan & feels great after having all the grumbles out.. The client damn so CMI!!

Had my exams late May, tough papers I had.. doubt very much I would clear them this time.. haiz.. what would MD says if I fail?? cant imagine..

After the exams, its my Japan trip!! heez.. its a trip against all odds as J said.. nearly went for aust instead if not for the flood.. Blessed to have my xm doing all the planning while we all study at ease for our exams.. Its a fun trip with crazy moments as well.. "now or never" a word I heard ever so often the whole trip.. haa.. had plenty of fun but its now back to reality again... will upload some photos here whenever I'm more hardworking yay..

Its been ages since I last updated my blog.. getting lazier & lazier..

a busy May I had. back from a biz trip, study leave, exams & my holidays.. its a full packed month & now its back to reality.. haiz.. back to work again.. will update again when I had enough sleep which I'm greatly deprived..

Too lazy to do any updates thou lots going on for the past few weeks, to top it up, an unexpected incident.. something thats gonna crave a deep deep memory within me.. somehow, this time, it did scares me off unlike the last one.. will do all the updates one shot if I do still remz when Jun comes..

A crazy May ahead which I wish it'll never come but pretty impossible when its here.. haiz.. my calendar is filled to the brim with events & stuffs to do.. anyway, just wanna say 东主有事.. too preoccupied & stress to think of anything else.. wondering how am I going to clear all my readings for the exam.. I'll be away later half of next week so that goes my time for studying.. sobz... thou at the other end, I'm happy to be seeing NK soon... will start my mad mugging with wj once I'm back..

Jia you.. May I be bless with the great brains akin to the theorists to conquer the impossible.. please???

A little tiny wish..

Hearing it is heart wrenching enough.. why is people around me going through such pain lately?? going through the door of the place I dread most.. Hoping for your speedy recovery.. Get stronger yay!!

To ignore this entry.. haiz... wondering what I'm typing about but just going through some thoughts.. emotional upbeat?? still in one piece but tiredness hit...

Life chapters is written as we walked through it.. but at some point of time, it seems to converge to be the same no matter whoever unfolds it.. resention or resigned to the fact? tried all means to come to terms.. a failed means-tested setup I guess.. wished it would have been different in some way but everything seems to go against it.. The possession of little of each of the 5 seems so far-fetched.. wonder if imbalance level of the others would actually compensate for the lack of the others??

On one of the morning, couldnt forced myself to sleep on the bus, I peeped at the huge headings in front of me.. Its true its the worst but yet the best... if everything had been simple, that would have been a motivator factor at least to me.. if only letting it go is that simple..

Finally collected my graduation studio photo.. somehow, sets me missing the good ole days.. when I'm in it, I always thought its an agony as I never expect anything less than putting in all my best.. probably thats why its only when the time to leave, I realise I missed out the little parts of it which would be appreciated more if I do slow down.. life now seems to be a race everyday, starting from the time my eyes open.. I raced to work (coz I snooze too much!!), race to complete work, race to avoid too much OTs... I'm so used to walking fast that my steps are fast even when I'm not in a rush.. its time to slow down before I lose to see the things around me, sense the changing world.. No one stops to wait for anyone, probably I should slow down to walk with all the "ones"..

Nothing interesting worth mentioning yet again.. same old me in the same old routine..

Feeling the return of the bleak period, the return to the same familiar spot.. I did made a step forward to have a shot but a fruitless attempt? It seems like a routine everyday with still the same 感触 as before.. It made me break down but I hang on.. how much longer I wonder?? Something is holding me back but yet pulling me away at the same time.. It's hard to decipher how the route should be walked.. I might have been experiencing high catecholamines level all along?? there's just too many incidents that left me despair.. once, xm asked if I'm disappointed.. deep inside I really was but I put up a strong front..

Had to work on weekend this week but happy to be finally done with it.. Wasnt feeling great actually, splitting headache right from the morning but had to wait for N to send me the file so that I can start working on it.. Its tough having him there & me here as I have to specifically point out whatever I'm saying over the phone or email.. Haiz.. Mum was saying probably I sld go over there but thats nv gg to happen.. I doubt that day will ever come even thou I would agree right away if the question was popped.. Was kinda resentful as I had to skip class just to wait for his mail & the agreed time in the morning became late afternoon.. My gut feeling already told me it wont be morning when he said so but I thought prob there's always an exception.. When you work with someone for sometime, u kinda know what is what.. Haiz..

& so I spent my Sat noon with the usual gang at TopOne.. Initial plan was to watch Marley but guess I'll have to find it online.. the session ended me with a sore throat.. sobz.. sat down later for usual coffee (but for me is tea as I cant take coffee) session.. There's always crazy jokes with them around but we do have serious time too.. at least it brought me away from unhappy things with them around.. couldnt join them for run this morning as I have to work.. went for a jog myself but didnt complete my target & ended up nearly fainted but I cooled down just in time.. It serves me right, worked till 2am last night & woke up super early plus feeling so unwell.. if not for the extra pounds gained over CNY which I had no luck at shedding it off, I would def tuck myself in bed longer..

Boring week right?? anyway.. Mon blues is approaching.. & tues, everyone is out for overseas client meetings but most will only be coming back next week.. I'm left to fend for myself.. & I got a new title, "despatch person" aka "ka kia"..

Nothing special worth mentioning for this week.. a routine and dull life of work and study.. met up with E & V for dinner.. a nice catch up we had.. had movie session with my friends y'day so here goes the movie review..

Slumdog Millionaire



"Slumdog Millionaire" is the story of Jamal Malik, an 18 year-old orphan from the slums of Mumbai, who is about to experience the biggest day of his life. With the whole nation watching, he is just one question away from winning a staggering 20 million rupees on India's "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"

But when the show breaks for the night, police arrest him on suspicion of cheating; how could a street kid know so much? Desperate to prove his innocence, Jamal tells the story of his life in the slum where he and his brother grew up, of their adventures together on the road, of vicious encounters with local gangs, and of Latika, the girl he loved and lost. Each chapter of his story reveals the key to the answer to one of the game show's questions.

Intrigued by Jamal's story, the jaded Police Inspector begins to wonder what a young man with no apparent desire for riches is really doing on this game show?

When the new day dawns and Jamal returns to answer the final question, the Inspector and sixty million viewers are about to find out... (extracted from gv)

Was appealed to the show with it winning 8 Oscars awards.. was wondering whats the winning point of it.. It's my first at watching a show with Indians as the cast of the movie.. Its saddening to see the rural & poor life of the less fortunate.. Born in city, the experience of living in a slums is something far from me.. It did reminds me of the life I experience when I was in Cambodia, how the kids had to beg to survive.. Never can I imagine a life of that.. Humans are never contented but for them, having a piece of bread is a treat to them.. It always reminds me of the scene in Cambodia.. We were having our lunch and the rice was just too much so we had the drumstick and threw away the packet of rice.. the villagers start digging through the stuffs we threw away.. If I had known this, I would just give them the whole packet with the drumstick.. This is a simple movie depicting the life of the poor but I wouldnt say its so good to the extent of winning so many Oscars adwards..

Its the once a year thingy...

Happy Birthday to me!! 1 year older now but nothing big accomplished yet.. Hope I'll achieve something in future to come.. Had a nice dinner with my sec sch friends last night & today a yummy cake from Fullerton Hotel from my colleagues.. Haiz.. its sad to be in late twenties stage..

It been a sad week actually.. I'll walk pass the place you used to occupy everyday.. I must say feel really 不舍得.. there's no one poking at me anymore.. I tired to cut short the words to ya to avoid ending up crying.. being too emotional, I'm capable of crying when it comes to seperation.. even reading a book can make me cry.. when sending off the last of ya, did hold a breath to stop.. but of course happy for ya in the advancement & hopefully I'll accomplished smthg great too in years to come.. whats the future me like??

Happy thing as well.. met our US partner who just retired.. he's really nice & fatherly.. sadly, too short a time to know him more.. he sent a card to me from US when I reached my 1st year in office.. It came as a surprise as we dont work together and never seen me before as well.. Appreciate it.. During the time he's in our office, he asked me to write down his name in Chinese..

Lastly.. grateful to all the well-wishes from my friends...

Its CNY!!

The new year has just passed & now its the lunar new year.. feeling that these festive seasons came all at one go for this year.. with age catching up, I'm no longer as enthu as when I was a kid.. but I do appreciate the holi to rest..

It was a sleepless night on Thurs morning, slept at 1am, woke up at 2am then 4.30am to check my results.. cant really predict the UK timing of releasing the results so I have to wake up every few hours to check my email but it was all worth it.. I passed!! I couldnt believe it.. couldnt imagine having to do the 2 killer papers again.. was prepared to redo it again if thats my fate.. but I'm really relieved!! MD even suggested a big sweep with everyone contributing 2 bucks to guess my average marks.. he is so excited doing it but a sleep deprived me just want a bed.. I'm glad my P8 was not too bad.. at least it was better than what my colleagues got.. heez.. I did really studied hard.. left with 2 more papers before I cleard this level and 2 more levels to go before I'm declared done with it.. it was also CNY team lunch on the same day.. we ate ate Crystal Jade Palace.. We ordered almost 10 dishes I think.. I'm actually quite full after the dim sum which is only just the starting.. was so bloated at the end.. then it was my apprisal back in office and b'day celebration for N (cake again!!).. after dinner was marketing session with clients.. ate again with bottles of white!! the session ended almost 1am.. I was deadbeat by the end of the day.. all in all.. a happening Thurs..

Went Chinatown with my parents to get some festive mood as well as to do some last min shopping.. Phew!! I finally found my CNY clothes.. was still brooding what I should wear.. met up with xm later at CT & we ended up sitting at an Indian Temple as she wanna see the interior of the temple.. caught up with wj & j later for movie.. so here goes movie sharing session again... Introducing Red Cliff 2..


Produced and directed by internationally-acclaimed Director John Woo, RED CLIFF II tells the story of the legendary Battle of Red Cliff, a decisive battle during the period of the Three Kingdoms in China, as told in the Chinese classic novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms. (extracted from www.gv.com.sg)

I didnt watch the first part so there was no form of comparison.. my colleague who watched it prefers the 1st compared to the sequel which is the usual comments from most viewers.. Its not too bad with the ever charming Takeshi and Tony.. the only part which I didnt like is the last part I guess.. as a more sensitive person, all I could think of was the pain and scrifice that the folks had to go through all bcoz of the leader's pursue of power.. the result is most often the loss of so many innocent people whom just want to with their family.. is it worth lying your life when the riches and credit all goes to the leader?? I wish the world will never have to go through this type of ordeal.. I'm not a samaritan but wishes for peace..

May the new year bring luck and all wishes be fulfilled.. Huat Huat Huat!!!

Lost in thoughts..

Changed my blogskin to a simple one.. time for some change...

Sharing session of movie again...This is actually a movie which I caught 2 weeks ago.. not been updating my blog lately.. not busy at work but just plain lazy.. but anyway.. introducing IP man..



Ip Man is adapted from the life story of Ip Man, the grand master of the Wing Chun style of kung fu and sifu (master) of legendary kung fu superstar Bruce lee. Wing Chun has a history of more than 200 years. It was founded by Yim Wing Chun, took root in the hands of Leung Chun, and prospered with Ip Man. The art of Wing Chun has now become very popular with martial arts enthusiasts, especially overseas. It is a traditional Chinese martial art with a formidable reputation internationally.

To this date, there have been neither movies nor publications about Ip Man. This movie will be the first important record of the masters life. Ips persistent devotion to Wing Chun is a classic example of the love and respect shown to wushu and the freedom and spirit it represents. This movie will see the making of a modern wushu master representative of Chinese people worldwide. Ip Man is a concept, a spirit, a way of thinking and it represents a new peak in Hong Kongs wushu movies.(extracted from www.gv.com.sg)

A really nice movie with laughter and sadness.. yes.. I did sniff my nose and supressing my tears coz I dont wanna be caught by my friends.. It showcase the patriotism of IP for his country.. when we are supressed under a more superior power, do we subccumb to circumstances or do we hold a fight to get back what belong to us?? I definitely hold my admiration for him because I know I def would end up as the former.. wonder at times why do pple declare war against each other.. arent victims always the pple of the country.. do the leaders ever think of the sufferings that might be implanted because of their greed or to show superioty?? just like the bombings incidents that are happening.. is showing who's the boss at the expense of human sufferings more impt?? haiz..

Today event at the welfare home of my volunteering sets me thinking again.. I really admire the director of the home.. everyone might think that he must be someone who's very senior or prob balding (baddie me!!) but he's less than 30.. he is willing to give up monetary benefits for the betterment of the less privilge.. this selfless act is something I really admire.. I can see the care he has for the old folks there and is sincere in helping them to integrate back into the society.. I ever once told mummy I wanna work my life as a volunteer.. even thought of just secretly leave the country telling no one (prob just my parents) to help pple around the world.. prob my departure wouldnt even be noticed?? being a soft girl, I tot thats smthg that really suits me.. just like a family svc centre I went, the lady said I had the calibre for a social worker.. but mummy said no.. I guess I cant give up the monetary benefits that holding a job would give me.. branded goods, good food, nice clothes.. I guess most girls loves all of them.. money is smthg which is most impt to me at present.. I know its not everything but its def smthg you cant do without.. even going toilet need money!! nothing comes free.. I'm in the blind chase for material life..

I lost lots of chances along the journey of life & hope I'll never again but guess its only when it slips do we realise the wrong turn.. opportunity only comes once so grab hold of it when it comes knocking.. at times I find comfort in the current zone & hate to get out of it.. no matter how bad or how bored it is, I'm still stuck.. my tolerance level is really high I must say.. till the day I break down is the day I had enough?? I wish giving up is so easy to attain.. who doesnt have dreams?? but nothing seems to work no matter how hard I try.. trying is not enough, you need the luck.. harping on it doesnt help but I'm still holding on to it, hoping for a day that it might come true.. my friend said I'm crazy to even think of it but I hate to give up when I tried so hard..

I think age is catching up on me.. think too much these days.. not looking fwd to next wk.. smile or frown will be dependent on what happen on Thurs but I'm prepared for the worst.. am I really?? arrggghhhh!!!