一直努力的在飞，只希望能有那么一天能到达想到的地方.. 因为太多的太在意，一切变得是一种包袱.. 觉得好累好累.. 天真的希望因为努力完成某些事，一切能变的不同，我错了.. 当那决定已成事实，所有努力在同一时间被否决..

Wondering if there's any value in the continued existence of hoping for a change.. Feeling pretty disappointed and low these days & I just wish there will be a twist in event that will push me forward.. when will that day come? even if it does, will I be contented after that?? who knows??

well.. summarising up, besides classes, classes & more classes (Yes!! I passed when I thought I'll never make it & learning a new sport as well), there's also work, work & LESS work (Yes!! I'm still at the same old boring job when I thought I'll never make past a year) & having fun with friends.. not that there is a need to grumble when there is less work but its frustrating when every hours of yours are accounted for.. at year end appraisal, "TA TA" when boss presents to ya all your billable & non-charagable hours, you are answerable for it.. worst of all, my bonus is dependent on that.. haiz.. exam results stress, work related stress & others just seem never ending..

happiest time are of course when there's play, who doesnt like all play & no work, right??..

:) glad to share my poly buddy's happiest day and all the preparations we made prior to that day.. happy to be part of her fondest memory..

:) inspired by the world's genius, Da Vinci at Science Centre.. I love his paintings!! If only I have the chance to view the actual pieces in Paris.. when will that day come?? We watch the sea monster there too, the last time I watched a show there was when I was in pri school which is ages ago..

:) Kang Xi's exihibition at ACM.. It was not that pleasant as the crowd just seems too much & too noisy as everyone talk so loudly..

:) Ballet under the stars at Fort Canning.. Nice picnic we had & the show was great too.. Its my first outdoor show & not as bad as I thought would be..

:) Rock my way with Mayday!! Love their performance to bits!! We got CAT 1 seats & the stage was much closer up as compared to Wong Lee Hom's concert when he was so small even thou we were seated at CAT 2.. I could so clearly see Ah Xin & the others.. heez.. really happy!! I would glee even just looking at the photos taken from my phone from time to time.. wish we had been seated on the side, I would def reach my hand out to them.. haa... also, should have been more determined to wear the t-shirt I bought from KH during my biz trip which was designed by Ah Xin.. there were lots of people wearing that.. anyway, our next aim is to watch concert at 'xiao ju dan'!! Hope that day comes soon!!

:) Little other stuffs include checking out nice food, movies (latest that I watched are UP, Proposal & Time Traveller's Wife), shopping & chilling out together with friends..

Hmmmm... that's about it.. nothing special happen.. but I'm badly sleep deprived!!!

ah!!!!!!!

Seiously, doubt I'll make it this time.. won't be as lucky as before.. the ideal turns out to be so different.. what more could I expect?? feeling so lousy.. not looking forward to the days ahead.. counting down to the day when my mood might fall to the lowest.. the blackest moment yet again... ah!!!!!!!!!! wish I could find a place to shout it out.. trash my lungs out.. the only solution can only be to get out of it..

Backdated entries..

Nothing much happening since I last blog... done everything I could in office as well so secretly blogging while I can.. Heez...

well, laziness got the better of me so any activities wise, check it out on my facebook or my friends photos... they have pretty much what I done with them together... Here goes a quick summary...

busy weeks at work as my colleagues off to the States for training & I'm here to clear all their work.. sobz.. when they are finally going to be back, I flew off to KHH for business trip.. I'm always envious of my cousins who get to fly for business trips but they would always say I'll know what it feels like when I get the chance.. well..

Its pretty tiring as I had to go to the airport from office and continue working after I touch down to prepare for the meeting.. thou tiring but I don't mind travelling around for work.. I still get to see the different life that people lead even thou its short trip.. love to see different culture and how people live their life.. Its an eye opener for me.. see interesting way of working at my client's place.. seeing is believing.. their lunch time was pretty much different from us.. they had nice lunch box prepared for them which had 4 small dishes and a soup.. when I was on my way to the washroom, all the lights were off and the staffs were all resting after their lunch!! I had to crept so that my court shoes wont make any noise.. how nice if ever my boss impose that system for us.. when their lunch hours is over, you will hear music over the PA system.. its now exercise time!! They were all stretching together with the music.. Isnt it nice of the management to have their staff welfare at their interest.. The people there were warm and friendly, you can hear them chatting and laughing heartedly.. One of the VP sent us back to the hotel when its quite far a distance from his home.. You can never find this warm and friendliness which comes from the heart in s'pore.. went to the night markets as well but as I was too full from the dinner earlier (we ate far too much), I can no longer stuff anything inside me but we tried some of the local food there.. its pretty nice but guess NK was not use to it since he was born in the states.. had the chance to walk around there half a day on the final day before I depart and its really nice.. would be back there one day with my parents and aunt..

Had my root canal surgery as I have been bearing with the pain for quite some time, think since uni.. My face and gum are pretty sore & swollen now.. 2 more procedures before I'm done.. what is the saddest that sets my heart bleeding is the high costs.. I could have buy almost 5 ipod touch (the lowest GB) with that!! but it cant be help anyway.. since I cant really eat, could save my money on that.. Haa.. & Hope dad will be discharged soon & towards full recovery, praying hard that he has no more op in future..

guess that pretty much summed up my not so exciting life?? Haa.. its finally fri!! had to accompany my friend for bbq tml as everyone ban sie her.. doubt I can eat actually but will make my appearance & leave shortly I guess.. ages since I last saw the MWH gang.. had to miss Kayla's b'day too.. sobz... would love to be there.. missed all my cousins, nephews and nieces...

wow!! I wrote quite a bit, isnt it??

Been a busy busy busy weeks... ot, ot & more ot... Horray to MD leaving for his holi & seminar soon!!! haa.. bad employee I am (no wonder I scored so highly at the game of "shaking" when the boss is not ard.. haa..)

kinda lazy to do blogging so here goes a super duper summarized entry..

April: Its CATS musical with yan & von.. its pretty nice & looking to more musicals with the gals again.. its a first time too with no drinks for us & we settled for desserts instead.. healthier, right?? heez...

May: Before I leave for my study leave, had my first opportunity at overseas business trip.. it used to be just in s'pore but happy to have the chance.. it's also the first & last with NK as he's hiring someone soon to help him out there.. feeling kinda sad actually but anyway, no one is irreplacable, right? After I got back, had to cancel part of my leave to help out at the client's place so pretty ill-prepared for the exams.. haiz.. had a bad encounter at the client's place too.. bitched about it with yan & feels great after having all the grumbles out.. The client damn so CMI!!

Had my exams late May, tough papers I had.. doubt very much I would clear them this time.. haiz.. what would MD says if I fail?? cant imagine..

After the exams, its my Japan trip!! heez.. its a trip against all odds as J said.. nearly went for aust instead if not for the flood.. Blessed to have my xm doing all the planning while we all study at ease for our exams.. Its a fun trip with crazy moments as well.. "now or never" a word I heard ever so often the whole trip.. haa.. had plenty of fun but its now back to reality again... will upload some photos here whenever I'm more hardworking yay..

Its been ages since I last updated my blog.. getting lazier & lazier..

a busy May I had. back from a biz trip, study leave, exams & my holidays.. its a full packed month & now its back to reality.. haiz.. back to work again.. will update again when I had enough sleep which I'm greatly deprived..

Too lazy to do any updates thou lots going on for the past few weeks, to top it up, an unexpected incident.. something thats gonna crave a deep deep memory within me.. somehow, this time, it did scares me off unlike the last one.. will do all the updates one shot if I do still remz when Jun comes..

A crazy May ahead which I wish it'll never come but pretty impossible when its here.. haiz.. my calendar is filled to the brim with events & stuffs to do.. anyway, just wanna say 东主有事.. too preoccupied & stress to think of anything else.. wondering how am I going to clear all my readings for the exam.. I'll be away later half of next week so that goes my time for studying.. sobz... thou at the other end, I'm happy to be seeing NK soon... will start my mad mugging with wj once I'm back..

Jia you.. May I be bless with the great brains akin to the theorists to conquer the impossible.. please???

A little tiny wish..

Hearing it is heart wrenching enough.. why is people around me going through such pain lately?? going through the door of the place I dread most.. Hoping for your speedy recovery.. Get stronger yay!!

To ignore this entry.. haiz... wondering what I'm typing about but just going through some thoughts.. emotional upbeat?? still in one piece but tiredness hit...

Life chapters is written as we walked through it.. but at some point of time, it seems to converge to be the same no matter whoever unfolds it.. resention or resigned to the fact? tried all means to come to terms.. a failed means-tested setup I guess.. wished it would have been different in some way but everything seems to go against it.. The possession of little of each of the 5 seems so far-fetched.. wonder if imbalance level of the others would actually compensate for the lack of the others??

On one of the morning, couldnt forced myself to sleep on the bus, I peeped at the huge headings in front of me.. Its true its the worst but yet the best... if everything had been simple, that would have been a motivator factor at least to me.. if only letting it go is that simple..

Finally collected my graduation studio photo.. somehow, sets me missing the good ole days.. when I'm in it, I always thought its an agony as I never expect anything less than putting in all my best.. probably thats why its only when the time to leave, I realise I missed out the little parts of it which would be appreciated more if I do slow down.. life now seems to be a race everyday, starting from the time my eyes open.. I raced to work (coz I snooze too much!!), race to complete work, race to avoid too much OTs... I'm so used to walking fast that my steps are fast even when I'm not in a rush.. its time to slow down before I lose to see the things around me, sense the changing world.. No one stops to wait for anyone, probably I should slow down to walk with all the "ones"..

Nothing interesting worth mentioning yet again.. same old me in the same old routine..

Feeling the return of the bleak period, the return to the same familiar spot.. I did made a step forward to have a shot but a fruitless attempt? It seems like a routine everyday with still the same 感触 as before.. It made me break down but I hang on.. how much longer I wonder?? Something is holding me back but yet pulling me away at the same time.. It's hard to decipher how the route should be walked.. I might have been experiencing high catecholamines level all along?? there's just too many incidents that left me despair.. once, xm asked if I'm disappointed.. deep inside I really was but I put up a strong front..

Had to work on weekend this week but happy to be finally done with it.. Wasnt feeling great actually, splitting headache right from the morning but had to wait for N to send me the file so that I can start working on it.. Its tough having him there & me here as I have to specifically point out whatever I'm saying over the phone or email.. Haiz.. Mum was saying probably I sld go over there but thats nv gg to happen.. I doubt that day will ever come even thou I would agree right away if the question was popped.. Was kinda resentful as I had to skip class just to wait for his mail & the agreed time in the morning became late afternoon.. My gut feeling already told me it wont be morning when he said so but I thought prob there's always an exception.. When you work with someone for sometime, u kinda know what is what.. Haiz..

& so I spent my Sat noon with the usual gang at TopOne.. Initial plan was to watch Marley but guess I'll have to find it online.. the session ended me with a sore throat.. sobz.. sat down later for usual coffee (but for me is tea as I cant take coffee) session.. There's always crazy jokes with them around but we do have serious time too.. at least it brought me away from unhappy things with them around.. couldnt join them for run this morning as I have to work.. went for a jog myself but didnt complete my target & ended up nearly fainted but I cooled down just in time.. It serves me right, worked till 2am last night & woke up super early plus feeling so unwell.. if not for the extra pounds gained over CNY which I had no luck at shedding it off, I would def tuck myself in bed longer..

Boring week right?? anyway.. Mon blues is approaching.. & tues, everyone is out for overseas client meetings but most will only be coming back next week.. I'm left to fend for myself.. & I got a new title, "despatch person" aka "ka kia"..

Nothing special worth mentioning for this week.. a routine and dull life of work and study.. met up with E & V for dinner.. a nice catch up we had.. had movie session with my friends y'day so here goes the movie review..

Slumdog Millionaire



"Slumdog Millionaire" is the story of Jamal Malik, an 18 year-old orphan from the slums of Mumbai, who is about to experience the biggest day of his life. With the whole nation watching, he is just one question away from winning a staggering 20 million rupees on India's "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"

But when the show breaks for the night, police arrest him on suspicion of cheating; how could a street kid know so much? Desperate to prove his innocence, Jamal tells the story of his life in the slum where he and his brother grew up, of their adventures together on the road, of vicious encounters with local gangs, and of Latika, the girl he loved and lost. Each chapter of his story reveals the key to the answer to one of the game show's questions.

Intrigued by Jamal's story, the jaded Police Inspector begins to wonder what a young man with no apparent desire for riches is really doing on this game show?

When the new day dawns and Jamal returns to answer the final question, the Inspector and sixty million viewers are about to find out... (extracted from gv)

Was appealed to the show with it winning 8 Oscars awards.. was wondering whats the winning point of it.. It's my first at watching a show with Indians as the cast of the movie.. Its saddening to see the rural & poor life of the less fortunate.. Born in city, the experience of living in a slums is something far from me.. It did reminds me of the life I experience when I was in Cambodia, how the kids had to beg to survive.. Never can I imagine a life of that.. Humans are never contented but for them, having a piece of bread is a treat to them.. It always reminds me of the scene in Cambodia.. We were having our lunch and the rice was just too much so we had the drumstick and threw away the packet of rice.. the villagers start digging through the stuffs we threw away.. If I had known this, I would just give them the whole packet with the drumstick.. This is a simple movie depicting the life of the poor but I wouldnt say its so good to the extent of winning so many Oscars adwards..