Today isn't a great day to start off.. as what I have predicted, none of the econs mod are allocated to me.. SOBZ.. :'(.. with so poor on pts, how do I bid for 4 core mods? last sem was a terrible bidding period, now its even worst with none pre-allocated to me.. now I'll have to do the horrible bidding over in HK... think at most I'll be able to get only 2.. keeping my fingers crossed.. may god watched over me, blessed me with luck..

2 more days over at GES.. finally leaving soon.. now I'm loaded with so much work.. they still couldnt find a temp to help them out.. nearly wanted to blurt out tt I'll be able to help them out if they still cant find a temp by the time I'm back... but think I need a gd rest to prepare myself for the battle ahead.. next sem would be the last & I must work doubly hard to get my merit status.. I'm barely making it, wish I'll be able to do it.. Jia You!!! I'll def miss sch.. even thou I wanted to get out asap when I first came in but now I cant bear to part with sch life.. life in sch def much better than the working life.. the people are much simplier.. even if people are battling for the best but its a fair & sq game, not one which involves stepping on other people to achieve their goal.. life of skipping lect can nv apply to working.. Haa.. but I'll def will continue to pursue my new goal.. prob others might not understand but achieving these goals brings me satisfaction & most importantly, a smile on mummy's face.. as she always says, the best ever thing that happen to her is seeing her children gg to uni.. I fulfilled it & I wanna do my best to make her proud of her daughter.. at least we wont be looked down by 1 of the relative who always feel that having lots of riches can bring many & better things.. even thou we might not be able to afford personal tutor but both bro & I made it with mass tuition.. He's gg to uni too.. thou it might not be a local uni but mummy is happy too... hopefully when I grad, will be able to work in my dream place.. I know it might not be the type of environment for me but I'm looking forward to the challenges..

2 more days, I'll be flying soon.. been so bz these days buying stuffs.. too lazy to start packing.. will try to start after work today.. gonna go ZzzzZzz now...

3 more days to go!! I'll be leaving there soon.. Haa.. happy? 'she bu de'? i guess neither 1 of them seem to be within me.. heaving a sign of relief, i guess.. ah yong asked me smthg which left with tongue-tied.. who do I think is nice here? sld I say none.. tot everything is pretty gd but prob there are things which blinded me from seeing whats gonna happen later on.. but its gonna end soon.. ah yong is quite a nice person, always chatting with me after my move over to AP side... feeling more at ease over there even thou used to heard bad stuffs abt there.. its only when u tried b4 u determine if smthg is gd or bad & not thru words.. she's a great of korean & hk dramas.. she's always excited when smthg new is releasing... & she likes to matchmake too.. haa.. matchmaking Ben to the AP gals...

with the departure also means i'm gg to GZ & HK soon!! yeah... but mummy been so worried i'll be abducted or i'll go missing... guess she read too many newspaper on that kind of news.. losing sleep over my trip.. dont worry yay, i'll be just fine.. hope everything will go smoothly & have lots of fun.. been so tired these days, brooding over if this has been done or that have been done.. afraid i'll forget to bring smthg.. too lazy to start packing anything.. haa... will try my best to start packing smthg into the lagguage.. cant contain my excitement.. counting down!!!

Its a busy busy last week... beside rotting @ times & sometimes bz @ work, the rest is houseworks... went ichiban with xm last fri, both of us only ate 7 plates.. Haa.. guess we wasnt so hungry.. smthg diff last wkend.. last sat was at kayle's birthday which is held at changi fairy chalet 4.. she's 2 yrs old now while her ah yi who is me whose age is a 2 digit now.. Haa.. saw all my cousins & their children... times flies, all of them are so tall now & askye can walk on his own now.. he is so so adorable.. he loves to eat so much tt he would to strech his hand out to you at the sight of anyone haing food on their plates.. played with them all night & stuffing myself with all the goodies prepared by my cousin-in-law & his sister.. the food is yummy!! stayed overnight there where there are 7 bedrooms.. shared one with san yi & another relative of mine & also 2 cousins.. didnt manage to sleep well as it was quite squeezy to have 3 pple sharing the bed, plus its a new environment.. woke up ard 7am the next morning to take a stroll ard the area.. walked the path with my cousins, their children, san yi & mummy.. Its great despite tt i was the target of mosquitoes.. I sprayed so much repellent on me but no effect on me at all.. sobz.. wondering if there's another chance we'll walk like that together again..

this week been pretty alright.. happy with the new change, less stress & everyone is great to me.. at least I'm really happier here.. wanted to leave earlier as I'm exhausted being there but HR wouldnt approve my leave no matter the 'crap' I tried to come up with.. had to stay on till the end.. met bao 3 days in a wk.. haa.. ate dinner together & shop ard the area.. wasnt feeling well these few days, been vomitting after my dinner & LS-ing in the morning.. Haiz... am I sick? but I'm feeling alright except feeling the tiredness in me... hopefully next wk wud be great & I'll be feeling better by than.. 7 more days!!!! GZ & HK.. here I come!!!!

feeling tired these days.. starting to find everything ard me dreadful.. Its hard to determine who's true, who's fake, which words are true & which are made-up.. I always trust myself in the perception of pple but now starting to see people in a different angle.. used to feel everyone is their real self but when you are caught in the current environment, its the ignition to doubt everyone's motive.. am I being overly senstitive, making myself so unhappy? even thou it for long term but its a torture to stay there looking at them.. when you asked me why, I cant tell you the truth.. it isnt bcoz I wanna hide anything from you but its hard to explain what I meant to say out coz I would never be able to know who you really are.. I wish I didnt have to be always guessing but I cant stop myself now.. didnt even realise since when did I become a extreme grumpy person, I have loads of sorrows to pour out everyday & poor SD became my victim, hearing me complain everyday (I'm really sorry & I really apreciate you for 'reading' my long list of complaints on msn which is non-stop & lengthy)..

when everything starts to go wrong, I'm becoming disppointed in myself & sometimes doubt my worth, sld I say 'useless' or 'not cut out for it'?.. & to add on to the despair moment, the atitude being treated is only making me feel out of place.. the mood swing from you made me caught in btw, sld I be here or there or I shouldnt have been here in the first place.. ur reply has a hidden thorns, was it bcoz of the change? I didnt asked for the change & it became my fault? or was it smthg else? prob I have been thinking too much, probing over whats wrong, what wrong have I done or have I only caused you trouble.. Its only departure tt will make things right.. but I know I feel bad twd LP when not once but twice asking me to continue till the last.. but my last limit is over, long over sld I say.. Its not a decision made now but a mth ahead.. how do I tell you the truth? I wish I could.. I know this will be a typical situation in the future & you are always worried tt I'll be bullied by others or bullied by my friends.. but I'm already tried my best.. I can only try my best to hold on longer.. I'll try... will trying help?

I wonder if it has been a wrong decision.. everything has changed.. changed as a result of people, environment or a resultant caused by no one else but me.. I wonder what had happen & whats wrong.. It has been good initially but things took a change.. tired.. is there any worth left?? I guess what has happen all these while shown otherwise.. Its time to do what need to be done.. Its wrong right from the start but its impossible to start things over again, things can only go right by putting an end to all these.. What looks smooth sailing is the event prior to a thunderstorm..

Its another wkend spent in a routine way except for my upset tummy.. feeling sick but had to help out with the housework while mummy is still recovering.. sunday is here & here comes Mon bluez again.. 27 more days to go & I'll be leaving there.. it allowed me to learn new things there but it has also brought me stress.. & also, it allow me to see the diff faces & characters of people & most importantly decide my route for the future.. I just hope I didnt cause any trouble to anyone.. It will be another farewell soon.. to my surprise, I'm actually looking forward to gg back to sch.. Haa.. I love the life of being a student except for the stress over exams & assignments.. Hmmm... nothing much happen this wkend.. & its been 3 wks since I last went for MWH activities.. Haa.. guess my 'ai xin' is diminishing.. but looking forward to the CAN Proj which is 2 wks from now & also Kayle's b'day.. will be seeing my cousins, nephews & nieces soon..

now i'm being 'loaned' over to the costing side to help out... having things to do beats rotting away, isnt it.. but at least when I'm bored, I have shidah to chat online with or opening the smallest possible window, checking my mail or the sch website.. Haa... not much work now ever since the new exec coming in.. anyway, left with 4 wks more before leaving.. will I ever come back here? prob not.. my ideal place of work is still banks..

on my way back from lunch, saw a Lamborghini car parked right in front of the co!!! its one of the director's.. seeing is believing!! its so so so cool... the sleek design is OMG nice & the price is OMG as well.. $1m++ a car!!! when will I ever be able to afford tt kind of car.. wanted to go hug it but the security guard is just few distance away!! humph!! I missed the chance.. eunice even asked me to go kissed it!! Haa.. I would if I can.. Haa..

its been a wk with my new perm.. cant wait for 6 mths to pass & I'm gonna make it flat away.. having to twist my hair everyday is so tiring.. I have to spend at least 15 mins twisting hair day & night.. unlike st hair, juz need to comb & out I can go off.. I must be crazy or too stressed to decide on perm.. there's a lot of things gg on which is hard to explain.. doing smthg diff is to relieve the stress hidden within.. there's a need to do smthg or go on a shopping spree to make myself happier.. the feeling just not right.. initially, one might juz see things tt are apparent but with time passed, the ugly side surface which makes me feeling so disappointed.. it is true tt, "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." There are some who have def make up my world but it is also true tt one will meet pretentious acquaintances claiming right to friendship.. Prob I sld give them credit, for without experiencing disappointment, how can one become stronger.. anyway, jul will be a bz mth for me with activities every wkend.. but before the trip, I have to do the much hated bidding.. Haiz.. finally the mod listing is released but its def not gd news.. most of the exam dts are side by side & all biz exams clashed with econs.. I didnt even read the mod outline since I dont have much choices.. more importantly is to spread out the exam dts.. 4 econs exam being too close is def feeding yourseld a poisonous potion prior to sch commencement..

28 days more to go & here I come!!!!

there's always a point when one will feel tired of all things, feeling despair & wishing for things to turn for the better but reality are always the hardest to accept.. suddenly sensing LP's tiredness & disappointment thru her expression.. thou she didnt say much but can see that she's tired of how people put up a mask everyday.. guess there's no real self, everyone are vying for credits.. only been there for a few months but I'm tired too.. suddenly have to see where the wind blows as they always like to say.. is today a calm weather or a storm? suddenly she asked if I would consider working there.. to me, I'm sick of doing mono work.. I know the route I chose for myself to head is tough & its much worst than the experience now but I'm still willing to try.. I may not be the type of character that LP & mummy asked me to learn so that I wont get bullied but its hard to change myself.. Haiz.. I still love my status as a student.. love my sch life.. missed sch too.. Haa.. ard 1.5 mths more b4 I head back to sch for my last sem.. wow.. time really flies, my first day in sch is still vividly in my mind & now its the last.. I'm a blessed girl, to have met so many great friends there, sharing the sweet & bitter part of sch life, cracking our brains together solving the never-solvable econs qns, 'piang-ing' for proj, complaining abt our tutors & so much more.. ec2303, ec3303, ec3101 & ec2102 lecturers are so far my fav..

Hopefully the week will get better as it progress on.. 4 wks+, I'll be flying soon.. wooo... Haa.. thou the Korea trip this jul is cancelled but SK promised to postpone till next yr.. looking forward to it!!! I wanna buy almost all the things I see in korean dramas.. Haa.. & of course, the best part is gg there with mummy, aunt, cousin & adian... the 3 of them are my closest & important pple to me.. gtg sleep now....

My new hairstyle...

*~before~*

*~after~*


Got a new hairstyle today!!! went to perm my hair after much deliberation.. wanted to change smthg new but lacked the courage.. have always been rebonding my hair, making it straight but now wanted to pluck it all out coz I'm used to plucking out hair tt are curly... now since all are curly, I cant do tt anymore.. not really sure if it fits me coz I look more mature now.. Haiz.. a choice made but be it right or wrong, I have to live with it for the time being... wonder if my collegues will be shocked when I go back to office on Mon.. everyone will be asking me qns... Haa.. then there's also my other friends... hopefully I didnt look very old with this hairstyle.. however, at least this choice can be reversed.. I can always rebond back my hair but in life, choices made are most of the time irreversible.. we cant turn back time if we have made the wrong choice.. that is so true & tts how I feel now.. if I had known this is the outcome, this decision wouldnt have been made... if only.. 'if only' can be foreseen... feeling lost in office these days.. somehow, becoming withdrawn from all others.. seem to be doing all the wrong things or lacking behing bcoz of reasons tt I cant say it out.. becoming tired & restless there but I can only hang on for another 5 wks.. Haiz.. when will the end of 5 wks arrive?

Been bz helping out with the chores at home & making sure mummy doesnt move too much.. prob i'm being over paronoid but worried for mummy after her eye operation.. Just wanna her to rest well.. took leave on fri to help out with things at home but end up feeling so sick (flu non-stop).. but nothing will stop me from stepping out of the house for shopping.. Heez... met bao for shopping then together with nancy for dinner.. guess my stamina of walking for long hours are lower now.. cant wait to find a place to sit down after walking ard for a while.. Haa.. on our way home, we were making plans for nxt fri to go out again, taking leave together.. Haa.. wonder if this will last forever.. occasion outing for shopping or dinner or just chilling out.. esp since everyone been telling me its hard for anything to last as one moves on in life to another stage.. true? prob i'll only know 10 yrs later?

i'm too easily bullied? being nice is smthg wrong? my collegues kept reminding me, muz b firm & talk louder when dealing with people or people will take you for granted or get on top of you.. well.. these are the things not inborn in me.. i'm always being told i'm too 'neng'... Haiz.. how to change my character?

feeling low these few days.. the urge to leave is so great today.. i'm not sure if there's any point staying on.. mum not stopping me which comes to my surprise.. nv at any point in life, the desire to leave a place is so great.. in the past, endure is smthg I'll keep telling myself but this time rd, the feeling is so great to the extend that I cant continue.. it might sound weird.. I have no idea why the sudden emotion.. to leave or to stay?